SinCity

This year is my 50th high school reunion - a statement that is as depressing as hell if I think about it.  Thankfully, I know how old I am so I'm not up or down about it.  One of my oldest and dearest classmates is going to receive an award for his public service and I decided to make a last minute trip to go back.  (A humorous side note - a mutual friend nominated Andy for this award and when he contacted me to explain the mechanics of the ceremony my first thought was: "Omigod - he nominated me and I won."  Ego dies hard.)  It has made me consider deeply the difference between old, old, dear friends and the close friends I've made over the years in Alcoholics Anonymous.  There are dudes I've known for fifty plus years - dudes I talk to every few years - and dudes I've known for twenty years in A.A. - dudes I'm in contact with regularly, on a deep and personal level, who walked with me hand in hand through some of the darkest times in my life and shared some of my most shining successes, who I saw a few times a week for years and years.  As opposed to my high school friends with whom I speak - or more likely, text - every few years.

Enter the trip.  The last time I went back to sincity I was only in touch with my A.A. friends and a couple of guys from high school who were also in town.  I didn't even bother to get in touch with my only sibling, a sister with whom I'm not now or have ever been close.  We get along well and love each other but she just isn't part of my life.  Plus, I can't stand her husband and he can't stand me so there's that.  The trip is long and expensive.  I've decided to do whatever I want.  I can't get to everyone and I decline to participate when I'm being slotted into whatever activities and interests that occupy the locals on a day to day basis, fully and ironically aware that if I were to suggest something that I want to do that the offer would float like a lead balloon.  

I'm saying this stuff to hear myself say it.  I'm secure in my behavior and ready to play defense if I'm pressured to stop by at this time or meet this grandkid or go to this restaurant.  The challenge for me is - if the situation develops - to decline in a kind and loving manner without taking any shit from anyone.  If someone hasn't bothered to reach out to me for five years then I feel no obligation to spend an afternoon with their grandkids - wait . . . you have kids? . . . and they're married? . . . and they have kids?  Seriously, that's about where things stand with some of these guys.  It's okay and fine.  Everyone is living their own lives and consumed with careers and raising children.  I get it.  But that focus relieves me of the obligation to do what you want me to do if I don't want to do it.  I realize this sounds self-absorbed.  I want to be kind and obliging to everyone.  I'm also making a long and expensive trip to my childhood home and want to spend some time strolling old neighborhoods and reflecting on my life there and wondering where I'm heading in the near future.