Hidden Blessings

I find that the unexpected should be more expected than it is.  You'd think after a while that some of the simple facts of my life should be more transparent and less surprising.  Things that have happened over and over and over again still surprise me.  Probably because I still confuse what I want to do - which I think will make me happy - with what I should do - which actually makes me happy.

I started writing on this platform in 2008.  I write frequently because it is still surprising to this day  how my thoughts veer into unsuspecting and very revealing side streets and back alleys when I write shit down.  I start off with what I think is going on, with what I think the solution to whatever quandary or conundrum that is annoying me currently, and the pen or the mouse takes me where I need to go.  I had, naturally, huge and unrealistic expectations as to what the blog was going to do for my ego.  You know the drill: "Little Stevie Seaweed - world famous sage and mystic, wealthy beyond all belief as a recovery influencers, will be our special guest today on the show."  That kind of totally self-absorbed thinking.  Any yet it's the little magical moments that make my life so satisfying.

I was at my coffee shop a while back and there was a young dude with his two year old son there.  He was clearly as proud as he could be of the child who was dressed neatly and had his hair carefully coiffed.  They ordered and sat down to wait to get their drinks.  I ordered my coffee, asked the barista to hang on for a second, then asked the father if I could buy his son a cookie.  Dad let the shy and abashed and probably confused boy pick out a huge chocolate chip cookie which I added to my order.  It was a slow process watching him decide on a cookie but I could see the people behind me tickled shitless that this was happening.  Dad made sure his son thanked me as he nibbled politely on the cookie and then thanked me again as they left the shop.  I can assure you that this event was immediately forgotten and that they have never thought about me or that chocolate chip cookie ever again . . . but here I am living in a crystal clear memory of some small kindness I extended a year or two ago.  Who got the most out of that free $4 cookie?  Me?  Or that family?

Anyway, I disabled the comment section on my blog long ago due to some snarky posts that readers left.  I can see in a general way how many people read each day but am never sure if some of those views are due to bots trying to get responses.  And then I got a short, sweet note from someone in London thanking me for my efforts, a long time reader thanking me for my writing.  Can I tell you how AMAZING that made me feel?  This is why - contrary to my still powerful instincts to try to swirl more money, power, and sex into my foetid little backwater - I ask my better self to think of you and not me.  It's still counterintuitive, these attempts at selflessness, but so, so worthwhile.