Guilt, Rewards, and Threats

I am intrigued by the concept that as we grow up our personality is forced into a semi-permanent mold by a combination of nature and nurture.  I do think we all have some internal wiring that is going to determine how we behave.  More or less.  Not that we can't change these behaviors but if you're outgoing then you're outgoing and no amount of Step work or counseling is going to change that.  You can learn to shut your mouth from time to time when you want to talk but you're not going to transmogrify into an introvert.  And then we're raised in a certain way - sometimes it's a wonderful experience, sometimes it's a disaster, more often than not it's a combination of the two.  Lots of us bitch about our parents and our childhood circumstances but admit grudgingly, cursing under our breath, that it wasn't as bad as we're making it out to be so it's time to quit complaining about it already.  Nothing worse than a thirty year old bitching about their parents.  Nonetheless, there's a tendency for well-meaning parents to socialize their children with a combination of guilt and reward.  "Finish your breakfast so you can grow up big and strong like Superman"  (Reward.)  "Finish your breakfast or you're not getting any dessert tonight." (Threat.)  "Finish your breakfast.  Don't you know there are starving children who aren't getting enough to eat today?"  (Guilt and Shaming.)  Maybe the child is full, did you ever think about that?  If he/she complies there's a reward!  If he/she doesn't, there's punishment of some kind!  So the tendency is to sort our decisions out on the Reward - Threat - Guilt paradigm.

A couple of lines from The Big Book that caught my eye today . .  . 

"The last two years of my drinking my personality changed to a cynical, intolerant and arrogant person completely different from my normal self."  There's a reference somewhere about the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome.  Normal drinkers lose some inhibitions.   Alcoholics lose themselves.

"There comes a time when you don't want to live and are afraid to die.  By now it had become difficult to visualize a life without alcohol."  This is the Jumping Off Point where the alcohol no longer has the ability to soothe the tortured mind but the alcoholic can't imagine not drinking.  Really, really awful, is this realization.

"He cannot imagine life without alcohol.  Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it.  Then he will know loneliness such as few do.  He will be at the jumping-off place.  He will be at the end."

I love the phrase "jumping-off place."  We walk on our journey until we get to the cliff at the end of the trail.  We can recover . . . or we can jump.

Everybody Knew

This caught my eye in The Big Book . . . 

" I continue to be surprised by people I meet who say, 'You haven't had a drink in a long time, have you?'  The surprise to me is the fact that I didn't know that they knew my drinking had gotten out of control  That is where we are really fooled.  We think we can drink to excess without anyone knowing it.  Everyone knows it."  This section contained the phrase "drink planning."  Everybody knows it.  My well-used quip is that when I began the face to face amends process no one argued with me.  Not one person.  Nobody said: "Get outta here."  The responses were more along the line of "Thank God you're finally getting some help."  Remember having to calculate how we could drink as much as we wanted while navigating any social, personal, or business obligations we had?  No sense in going if I couldn't drink enough.  The hotel rooms with a sink fall of beer cooling on ice so that I could show up well-lubricated.  This story remarked that this guy's wife could never understand how he got so drunk on just one cocktail.

Odds and Ends from the Toltecs . . . 

"It may seem counterintuitive but you choose to let go in order to be in control.  Self-mastery is not an isolated idea within the Toltec tradition, as every form of spiritual discipline provides a map to help us live in harmony by freeing us from the tyranny of our own thinking and being affected by the projections of others.  Knowing that others see you in a specific way gives you choices when you engage with them.  Your awareness of that allows you to stay true to yourself and not give in to the temptation to take on others' definition of who you are."

Letting go.  Hmmm . . . where have I heard that before?  Not letting myself be defined or controlled by what others think . . . or To Thine Own Self Be True.   Hmmm .  .  .  sounds kind of familiar, too.

SinCity

This year is my 50th high school reunion - a statement that is as depressing as hell if I think about it.  Thankfully, I know how old I am so I'm not up or down about it.  One of my oldest and dearest classmates is going to receive an award for his public service and I decided to make a last minute trip to go back.  (A humorous side note - a mutual friend nominated Andy for this award and when he contacted me to explain the mechanics of the ceremony my first thought was: "Omigod - he nominated me and I won."  Ego dies hard.)  It has made me consider deeply the difference between old, old, dear friends and the close friends I've made over the years in Alcoholics Anonymous.  There are dudes I've known for fifty plus years - dudes I talk to every few years - and dudes I've known for twenty years in A.A. - dudes I'm in contact with regularly, on a deep and personal level, who walked with me hand in hand through some of the darkest times in my life and shared some of my most shining successes, who I saw a few times a week for years and years.  As opposed to my high school friends with whom I speak - or more likely, text - every few years.

Enter the trip.  The last time I went back to sincity I was only in touch with my A.A. friends and a couple of guys from high school who were also in town.  I didn't even bother to get in touch with my only sibling, a sister with whom I'm not now or have ever been close.  We get along well and love each other but she just isn't part of my life.  Plus, I can't stand her husband and he can't stand me so there's that.  The trip is long and expensive.  I've decided to do whatever I want.  I can't get to everyone and I decline to participate when I'm being slotted into whatever activities and interests that occupy the locals on a day to day basis, fully and ironically aware that if I were to suggest something that I want to do that the offer would float like a lead balloon.  

I'm saying this stuff to hear myself say it.  I'm secure in my behavior and ready to play defense if I'm pressured to stop by at this time or meet this grandkid or go to this restaurant.  The challenge for me is - if the situation develops - to decline in a kind and loving manner without taking any shit from anyone.  If someone hasn't bothered to reach out to me for five years then I feel no obligation to spend an afternoon with their grandkids - wait . . . you have kids? . . . and they're married? . . . and they have kids?  Seriously, that's about where things stand with some of these guys.  It's okay and fine.  Everyone is living their own lives and consumed with careers and raising children.  I get it.  But that focus relieves me of the obligation to do what you want me to do if I don't want to do it.  I realize this sounds self-absorbed.  I want to be kind and obliging to everyone.  I'm also making a long and expensive trip to my childhood home and want to spend some time strolling old neighborhoods and reflecting on my life there and wondering where I'm heading in the near future.

Cognitive Dissonance

I think often about the psychological concept of cognitive dissonance; or the idea that a person can somehow hold two conflicting beliefs or opinions in their one mind and still move around the world, behaving normally.  Like the practicing alcohol who is totally aware that drinking is proving very destructive while convincing himself with each new day that drinking is going to work out fine, that it'll be different this time.  Maybe this is insanity of a sort?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Like the religious but barely spiritual individual who can personally engage in behaviors that are antithical to the beliefs of his religion while presenting a moral and ethical front to his fellow believers?  There are millions of examples of cognitive dissonance.  It's why so many of us are insane.  We do stupid things that we know are stupid but we do them anyway.

While I'm on this topic I was reminiscing about the many times I've bought coffees or snacks for people or jumped in to make up the difference when someone couldn't afford to pay for all of the groceries they had unloaded onto the cashier's conveyor belt.  How my nature is to hold onto my money and look away - it's my money!  mine! - and how I've learned that relaxing my death grip on my cash and helping someone else out -  even if they don't really need the help  - is beyond satisying.  I lose some cash but I feel great.

Just Don't Be A Dick Today

The Toltecs were a Meso American culture that preceded the Aztecs who considered them a mystical, magical society.  Here's a little something from the Toltecs: "This living with a quiet mind creates a state of pure bliss that comes from being entirely in the moment.  Truly nothing matters but the present, because it is the  only place where life can express itself."

See, this is the thing about spirituality: it all boils down to a few simple, basic, universal truths.  So in Alcoholics Anonymous we say "One Day at a Time."  The Toltecs prefer to remind us that nothing matters but the present.  The Buddhists tie the concept of being present to mindfulness, believing that we should fully attend to each moment without distraction, clinging, or aversion.  It's kind of like your mother telling you to be nice - all over the world mothers are telling their children to be nice.  No one is saying: "Hey, just be a dick today."  There's not a central font of wisdom that tells women to remind their kids to be nice.  They're all doing it.

Hidden Blessings

I find that the unexpected should be more expected than it is.  You'd think after a while that some of the simple facts of my life should be more transparent and less surprising.  Things that have happened over and over and over again still surprise me.  Probably because I still confuse what I want to do - which I think will make me happy - with what I should do - which actually makes me happy.

I started writing on this platform in 2008.  I write frequently because it is still surprising to this day  how my thoughts veer into unsuspecting and very revealing side streets and back alleys when I write shit down.  I start off with what I think is going on, with what I think the solution to whatever quandary or conundrum that is annoying me currently, and the pen or the mouse takes me where I need to go.  I had, naturally, huge and unrealistic expectations as to what the blog was going to do for my ego.  You know the drill: "Little Stevie Seaweed - world famous sage and mystic, wealthy beyond all belief as a recovery influencers, will be our special guest today on the show."  That kind of totally self-absorbed thinking.  Any yet it's the little magical moments that make my life so satisfying.

I was at my coffee shop a while back and there was a young dude with his two year old son there.  He was clearly as proud as he could be of the child who was dressed neatly and had his hair carefully coiffed.  They ordered and sat down to wait to get their drinks.  I ordered my coffee, asked the barista to hang on for a second, then asked the father if I could buy his son a cookie.  Dad let the shy and abashed and probably confused boy pick out a huge chocolate chip cookie which I added to my order.  It was a slow process watching him decide on a cookie but I could see the people behind me tickled shitless that this was happening.  Dad made sure his son thanked me as he nibbled politely on the cookie and then thanked me again as they left the shop.  I can assure you that this event was immediately forgotten and that they have never thought about me or that chocolate chip cookie ever again . . . but here I am living in a crystal clear memory of some small kindness I extended a year or two ago.  Who got the most out of that free $4 cookie?  Me?  Or that family?

Anyway, I disabled the comment section on my blog long ago due to some snarky posts that readers left.  I can see in a general way how many people read each day but am never sure if some of those views are due to bots trying to get responses.  And then I got a short, sweet note from someone in London thanking me for my efforts, a long time reader thanking me for my writing.  Can I tell you how AMAZING that made me feel?  This is why - contrary to my still powerful instincts to try to swirl more money, power, and sex into my foetid little backwater - I ask my better self to think of you and not me.  It's still counterintuitive, these attempts at selflessness, but so, so worthwhile.

I Still Don't Know What I'm Talking About

Here's my primer in Buddhism . . .  So old, but not as old as Hinduism, of which it's an offshoot.  One of the main differences is that Hinduism is god-based, more or less, while Buddhism is more of a philosophy of self

Anatta literally means “not-self” or “absence of self.”  It denies the existence of a permanent, unchanging, independent self or soul (ātman), which many other Indian traditions (like Hinduism) affirm.  Instead, what we call a “person” is a collection of constantly changing physical and mental processes.  

Freedom from Attachment – Believing in a fixed self fuels craving, ego, and suffering. Realizing anatta helps loosen that grip.  

Impermanence (anicca) – Since everything is changing, there can’t be a permanent self.  

Suffering (dukkha) – Clinging to a false sense of self causes dissatisfaction.   

Together with anicca (impermanence) and dukkha (suffering), anatta forms the Three Marks of Existence in the Buddhist philosophy.

The “Flame” Analogy is a good way to visualize the difference between Buddhism and Hinduism

Hinduism: The same flame (soul) continues, unchanged.

Buddhism: A new flame is lit from the old one — continuity without identity.

It's interesting in my life how I provide some form of comfort and inspiration to different people and how they provide these things to me.  I'll write something or ponder something else and I'll think: "I bet so-and-so would be interested in this."  It's reminiscent of the times when I share a crap share at a meeting and someone tells me how much they identified with what I have said.

Too Deep For Me . . . But Interesting, No?

It's funny this life we live . . .   We are such weird, unusual animals, human beings.  We have self-awareness and the knowledge of our own inevitable death almost as long as we're self-aware enough to know we're going to die.  Animals know when death is close but they don't ponder it for years and years and they sure don't build tombs and mausoleums to appease god or the gods.

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and how they affect you and others. It’s essentially “seeing yourself clearly.”   

Psychology sees self-awareness as both beneficial (better regulation, empathy) and potentially burdensome (overthinking, self-consciousness).  

Philosophy asks what it means to be aware of oneself, and even whether the “self” is real.  

Psychology tends to ask: “How does self-awareness develop, and what does it do?”  

Philosophy tends to ask: “What is the nature of the self that is aware, and is it real?”  

Together, they show that self-awareness is both a practical tool (for growth and regulation) and a deep mystery (about identity and existence).

Martyr Seaweed

Here are a few nuggets from the story "Physician, Heal Thyself! in The Big Book . . . 

"And then one ill-defined day, one day that I can't recall, I stepped across the line that alcoholics know so well, and from that day on drinking was miserable."  Some term this the jumping-off point.  There's a phrase that mentions that we know we can't live with alcohol and we can't live without it.  My memories of the time - I also cannot remember the specific day - were centered around total hopelessness.  Alcohol was no longer providing the relief I needed to get away from me, my own self, but stone, cold sober was intolerable.  This is a horrifying memory.  This is horrifying.  

"Don't feel you are a martyr because you stopped drinking."  Yeah, well, what we do is what 95% of the world does everyday and we think we deserve special recognition.  Hey, I'm on time this morning and I'm not hungover . . . Give me something!   Praise me!  Reward me!  I'm amazing!"

"I got all sorts of books on Higher Powers . . . "  And counselors and ministers and psychologists and on and on we try to understand why we are doing what we are doing and what the solution might be.  I did the book thing and basically what I found out is that most religions and philosophies and spiritual movements revolve around a few simple rules.  This study helped me grow as a person but it didn't stop my drinking.  Maybe it'll work for you but I found my answer in A.A.  Not everybody does and that's fine, we've got no truck with sobering up using whatever method works for you.

Complete abandon.  Half measures availed us nothing.  Thoroughly followed our path.  Completely give oneself to this simple program.  Complete - To make something whole or perfect; total; thorough; absolute.  Most of us stick our toe in, drink again, stick our foot in, drink again, stick our leg in etc etc etc.  Most of us try to find that easier, softer way.

"Here he is powerless, unmanageable, in the grip of something bigger than he is, and he's got to turn the whole business over to someone else!  It fills the alcoholic with rage.  We are great people.  We can handle anything."

Hot and Humid

"All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well."

Dame Julian of Norwich

To find true joy we must have passed through our sorrows and come to accept the whole of life into our hearts.

". . .  and now it's like this . . .  "

Buddhist Mantra

I have been reflecting on our recent trip to Africa.  Because I'm a comfortably well-off Californian suspended in an amber bead of order and purpose I have embraced our visits to countries where the average circumstances lie in a different atmosphere.  It was an amazing, revealing, and enlightening trip.  I got to see a lot of amazing stuff and a lot of amazing nature and - most importantly - meet a lot of amazing people.  The people were transcendent.  I cannot recall one incident where I wasn't treated with kindness and a friendly attitude.  The people were joyous.  I understand that I only got to see a narrow slice of society and that there is a lot of poverty that makes life much more difficult but everyone just seemed to keep on keepin' on.  They got out there and gave it a go and shrugged off any set-backs, hopeful that if today wasn't great then tomorrow would be better.  Again, I realize I'm making a lot of generalized comments but the overall vibe was an improvement over the grousing and bitching and dissatisfaction that I run into on a daily basis in my highly priviledged day to day living.  We tend to complain about the most idiotic, minor stuff, blithely overlooking the cornucopia of comfort and security that we casually wallow in.

So . . . back to Africa.  Much of the time we wandered around in chaotic, noisy cities that were perched on decaying infrastructure built many years ago to support a much smaller population.  And it was hot and humid.  Goddamn, it was hot and humid, and I don't mind that kind of weather as a general rule.  I learned very quickly that each day I was going to be facing conditions that were almost hallucinogenic.  I have a lot of energy for a guy my age but there were many times where a couple of hours in the heat, heavy traffic clogging the roads that were packed with locals talking loudly, exhausted me physically.  It was return to an air-conditioned cabin, stripping off sweat-soaked clothes, while wondering exactly what was it that I had accomplished?  The point here is that I can now look back on these days - uncomfortable, strenuous, disorienting days - with gratitude and wonder.  Were they easy and uncomfortable days?  No, they were not and this by a wide margin.  But I am a bigger, better, badder, more complete human being because of these experiences.  I was able to see through the discomfort to the satisfaction of having walked through a new world.

Sheep Dog Seaweed

I was at my meeting yesterday - larger on Social Saturday - scanning the attendees for new people or people I didn't know.  A woman came in late and sat by the door.  I know almost everyone that comes to Keep It Complicated so when the meeting ended I walked over and introduced myself, asked if it was the first time she was at this particular meeting, and then maneuvered her across the room to where a few women about her age were talking, and introduced her around.  I was gratified that one of these women said that she was going to come over and introduce herself - that's some good growth - but my experience is that a visitor is usually not swept into the joie de vivre that is the meeting after the meeting and - feeling isolated - exits the premises.  I then slunk back into the hedges, Homer Simpson style (and if you get this reference I will love you forever) and talked to some friends.  When she left she thanked me for being so welcoming which is kind of my superpower.  I'm like an Australian sheep dog, running around the periphery of the meeting, nipping at the heels of the newcomers, trying to direct them back into the safety of the herd.  I ask my maker to show me how I may be of service to another person during the course of the day and these opportunities are almost always teeny, tiny, minor little interactions.  I no longer try to save the world.  I now try to be present, aware, in the moment.  "This too, this too."

Does It Need To Be Said?

This new dude asked me to sponsor him a while back.  I'm not really sure why, to be honest with you.  I do believe that members in the two to ten year sobriety range are better suited to fill this role.  I don't raise my hand in the meeting when the secretary asks for anyone willing to be a sponsor to identify themselves, but that didn't deter this guy from asking anyway.  Alcoholics, you know?  Can't tell 'em anything.  In my experience there are variations of sponsorship that run the style/technique gamut from "This is what you will do as my sponsee" to "This is what I do and you can do whatever the fuck you want."  I'm firmly in the latter camp.  I have zero interest in directing anyone else's life in any shape, manner, or form, nor am I qualified to.

So here's my minor conundrum.  This guy is about to find out the consequences of his second DUI.  He's upset and worried.  This sounds about right as it's an upsetting and worrisome circumstance.  He ranged far and wide and at great length explaining the situation to me.  He clearly was interested in talking and not listening so I dusted the furniture while paing scant attention to his meandering tale of woe.  I'm only kind of kidding here.  New people are the definition of self-absorption.  New people should just wail "Woe is me!  Woe is me!" and then spare their sponsors any more of their self-pity.  Just record their voices woe-ing and play the recording in lieu of a phone call.  Again, only kind of kidding.

"So what do you think the damage is going to be?" I asked.

His response was that he anticipated a thirty day suspension of all driving rights and then three months of restricted driving which will allow him to drive for work related trips and AA meetings.  He made this sound awful.  I wanted to tell him that he should be dancing a jig at receiving such a sentence.  I thought it sounded great and very fair.  I could have pointed out that he was driving a couple of tons of glass and steel at night and he got caught for his second DUI.  I suspect his driving was poor and erratic enough to attract the attention of a state trooper.  I don't care how much above the limit he was - drunk is drunk - and I definitely don't care how close to home he was - drunk driving is drunk driving - although he tried to present these as mitigating circumstances of "I only stole a thousand dollars -  it's not like it was five thousand."  This is how we present ourselves early on - as a fuck-up but not as big of a fuck-up as that guy over there.  This cat could have gotten in front of a judge who was having a bad morning or had just presided over a case where the drunk driver got into an accident where someone was hurt or killed.  I think he should be dancing a jig he got off so easy.

I did not say this on the spot because - frankly - after a half hour his droning voice was becoming an irritant and I wanted to get him off the phone.  For a third time, only kidding, somewhat, mostly.  In any case he was so wrapped up in himself that any advice or perspective I could have provided would have been met with resistance or befuddlement, as if I was speaking Urdu.

I may say some variation of this the next time we meet.  I may not.  I'll see.

Does it need to be said?  Does it need to be said by me?  Does it need to be said by me right now?

UnGrateful Seaweed

I often say that I'm not a naturally grateful guy.  I do believe that more of us than not are naturally ungrateful for our blessings and quick to point out where we're not being treated with the respect and honor that we think we deserve.  I do acknowledge that there are some freaks out there who are naturally grateful.  I don't think anyone likes this class of people.  You know the type: cheery, upbeat, optimistic, full of good energy.  Makes my blood run cold even thinking about being stuck in close quarters with this kind of person.  I loath happy people.  Go be happy somewhere else.

"Love is mysterious.  We don't know what it is, but we know when it is present.  If we seek love, we must ask where it is to be found.  It is here only in this moment.  To love in the past is simply a memory.  To love in the future is a fantasy.  There is only one place where love can be found, where intimacy and awakening can be found, and that is in the present."

Jeebus, Mo, and Abe

Release your inner Bodhisattva today.  Let that fucker run amok.  This is graduate level shit, man.  Take notes.  Pay attention.  People pay thousands of dollars to learn this stuff.

I wonder if the Buddha swears?

I wonder if Jeebus has a sense of humor?  Wouldn't the Bible be a lot more accessible if there were some jokes in there?  I never heard Jeebus tell a joke.  I do know that the founder of Christianity was Jewish.  Maybe that's the joke.  "A Jew, a Christian, and a prophet walk into a bar . . .  Wait a minute, wait a minute - it's only one person."

I was in a home outside of Marrakesh once, invited to a dinner that was hosted by three Muslims that were helping us tour Morrocco.  My traveling buddy was Jewish.  I walked into the sitting room where we were going to eat and there were some appetizers and a few opened bottles of wine - red wine, very pungent.  Our host offered to pour us some wine - my Jewish friend accepted a glass while I declined.  I don't remember if I explained any further than that I just didn't want a glass of wine.  One of the hosts quipped: "Great.  Three Muslims and a Jew and it's the Christian who isn't going to  drink anything."  I can envision Mohammed shaking his head and saying "Oh, for fuck's sake.  Really?"

Maybe there's a heaven where Abraham, Jesus, and Mohammad hang out.  Play paddle tennis.  Lounge by the pool.  Sleep in.  "Can you believe these idiots down there?" one of them might say. " They are totally missing the point.  We've given them three different guides for good living and all they do is bitch and complain."

Can you imagine one of them saying: "Hey, Jeebus, your people aren't doing it right so we're going to kill them?"  Yeah.  That would solve everything.

Losing Another Fiver To Good Effect

I've mentioned that one of my requests in my morning Quiet Time is that I be shown an opportunity to be of service to another person that day and to recognize that often it's a small, quiet thing.  For instance, I know the names of the two young women manning the espresso machine and cash register at the coffee place where SuperK and I spend an ungodly amount of money for two cups of coffee and a slice of coffee cake each Saturday.  I holler their names out when I enter and exit the shop and it's not hard to see how pleased they are to be recognized as human beings and not coffee machines.  It's SO easy to do, to make this slight adjustment from Seaweed-centric to Seaweed-peripheral.

At the meeting this morning a young guy with young children - I'd say he has been sober for eight months or so - shared that his oldest son lost his first tooth and that - due to a management oversight -  the tooth fairy was a no-show.  He expressed some guilt over this.  Honestly, as he should.  But I perceived that it was too much guilt and too much remorse for too little a thing and that he is present enough to learn from this very, very minor transgression.  After the meeting I caught him at the door, pressed five bucks into his hand, and told him to hide it under a couch cushion and tell his son that the tooth fairy did come but that he left the money for the tooth in the wrong place.  Sort of a stupid tooth fairy, as it were.  As an aside, I need to point out that I spent sixteen dollars for our coffees without batting an eye but the kid had to tear the fiver out of my hand.  As another aside I not that every time I'm sure that the recipient of my negligible cash offer will wave it off but that has never happened.  I live in such a well-off, comfortable bubble that sometimes forget that a few dollars to someone working hard to make ends meet is much appreciated.

Here's what a lot of meetings does to those who have seen thousands of people walk into The Rooms with the best intentions drift into indifference and self-sufficiency .  .  .  When I told SuperK what I had done (I had to tell someone! or I was going to walk around for a week with a large sandwich board strapped to my body announcing my good act) she said, with no judgment or negativity, "I hope he gives the money to his child."  Boy, I get it.  While she applauded what I did she knew that a lot of bullshit gets slung around in A.A.  I see a lot of commitment in this young guy, a lot of reponsibility, so I'm confident he'll make his son happy but - honestly? - don't really care.  I had a great day living off the fumes of that insignificant act.  That five bucks isn't going to change my life one way or another and - even if the father is a multi-millionaire - I bet it taught him the oomph behind being of service.

The Warp and The Woof

Compassion:  The combination of noticing another's pain, having a strong emotional response to it, then acting to relieve that pain.  It's a social reaction that motivates us to go out of our way to mitigate the emotional, physical, or mental distress of another person.

Meditation is the discovery that the point of life is always arrived at in the immediate moment.  Warp and Woof!  One day at a time!   My spiritual practice doesn't ask me to place more beliefs on top of my life.  At its heart it asks me to wake up and face life directly.  Wake up!  You've been asleep! In so doing, I've discovered the treasure hidden in each difficulty and learned that this treasure - found in the sufferings, sorrows, and pains of the world - is compassion itself.    Compassion is the heart's response to sorrow and the sorrow of life is part of each of our hearts and part of what connects us with one another.