Step Four, I Say, Step Four!

Instinct:  A natural or inherent impulse or behavior; an intuitive reaction not based on rational or conscious thought.

From the first few pages of Step Four, our searching and thorough inventory, and I'm going to skip around a little here: "Creation gave us instincts for a purpose.  Yet these instincts often far exceed their proper functions.  Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives.  When thus out of joint man's natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is.  

(Next paragraph.)  "Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct.  When that happens, our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities."

(Moving on to paragraph three.)  "Danger occurs every time a person imposes his instincts unreasonably on others and unhappiness follows.  This collision of instincts sets us in conflict not only with ourselves, but with other people who have instincts, too."

(And wrapping things up today.)  "Alcoholics especially should be able to see that instinct run wild in themselves is the underlying cause of their destructive drinking.  This perverse soul-sickness is not pleasant to look upon.  Instincts on rampage balk at investigation."

First of all, Instincts on Rampage would be an excellent name for a hard rock band.

I do love how Bill W used forceful words to batter the drunk about the head and shoulders.  Destruction, perversion, soul-sickness, rampaging, colliding, imposing, man, he lets us have it, realizing that we don't want to look at ourselves.  He's making a clear, strong case that we are out of control.  Later in the Step he talks about the alcoholic insisting that his drinking isn't that bad and if it is that bad then he's not hurting anyone else but himself and if he is hurting someone else then it's only reasonable given how fucked up the other person is.  Can you see why new people are such a pain in the ass to deal with?

So . . . it's you, it's not them, and you lost it a long time ago.

I remember a story a guy in Indianapolis shared a long time ago.  He was a confident salesman type and he said when he was drinking he went through a phase where he read a lot of books on taking charge.  Then he got on a binge where he read books about being positive, the result being, he said, that he was battering people with happy, assertive behavior.  He was golfing with some friends one day, droning on in this vein, when one of the guys pulled him aside and said: "What are you talking about?  You've been in the rough all day.  You're terrible."  This is your average alcoholic: oblivious and resistant to any attempts to uncover the reasons why.