"So, practicing these Steps, we had a spiritual awakening about which fi nally there was no question. Looking at those who were only beginning and still doubted themselves, the rest of us were able to see the change setting in." P. 109 12&12
One of the blessings I've received in A.A. is being witness to the tremendous change I get to see in people who sober up, stay sobered up, and work a spiritual Program. When I compliment these people on the change in outlook and attitude that I see they're frequently taken aback. I like the idea that we can only perceive change in ourselves slowly even though it may be obvious to people who are observing us as we grow. And I think that there are various stages of growth many of us go through and - while these aren't hard and fast rules - often they occur after a certain number of months or years. I believe in my case it took a few years before I was comfortable not drinking all of the time; that it took five years before I finally grasped my own personal concept of a Higher Power; and L was a good ten years in before I got to be finally, finally comfortable with who I am. No more games or lying or people pleasing, just the unvarnished Stevie Seaweed, for better or worse.
The man who led this morning was very casual about recovery when he joined A.A. seven years ago - he showed up late, always shared for a long time after looking at his cell phone while others were talking, and then left early. God forbid you suggest he do something he didn't want to do. Today he was clearly speaking from a different space. We can tell a spiritual awakening when we see it. There was a man there who ended a dysfunctional relationship - this 15 years or so sober - and he was a changed man overnight: lighter, more relaxed, calmer. There was a lady there who makes spandex seem like a relaxed-fit fabric and who has recently really started loosening her grip on herself and other people and life, for God's sake.
Very enjoyable.
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