"Honesty does not always mean telling the truth. Honesty can also mean knowing our limitations so we don't make promises we can't keep. It can mean letting our actions support our statements. Dishonesty may be a quick fix at that moment, but it will never provide a solid foundation for the future. Instead we can try to be more honest with our abilities and limitations."
I am still surprised at how often I want to turn to a falsehood when I'm faced with a situation that requires me to admit to a limitation or that risks hurting someone's feelings or makes me look smaller and stupider. I don't want to be brutally honest in a way that damages someone or reveals something about myself that's best left hidden but still I've found that honesty really is the best policy. I can count on one hand the times I've gotten in trouble telling the truth and I can count on the other hand - if that hand had like a million fingers - how many times lying has burned me.
For instance, if someone asks if I want to join them for breakfast and I'm not crazy about this person or, more likely, I just want to do something else - my tendency is to make up a kind lie. "I have this going on or that appointment to keep." Then I risk being asked later on how that thing went and having to compound the lie. When I was drinking I had a network of lies supported by a larger network of auxiliary lies all embedded in a big ball of lies. I was so confused about what I had said to what person I didn't know what the fuck I said I had done most of the time. Frankly, it was exhausting. And there's nothing worse than getting caught in a lie. Half the time I tell the truth just because I don't want to be discovered as a liar later on and not because I don't like lying or am not good at lying. Like most good liars I have to practice a lot if I want to keep up with my craft. I'm still scouring the want ads for something along the lines of: "Good liar wanted. $400,000 salary per annum." I'd come out of retirement for that son of a bitch.
Today I'm likely to reply: "I'm sorry but I can't make it this morning. Thanks for asking, though, and let's try it another time." I used to be worried that I would be asked a follow-up question but they rarely come and when they do I can simply say: "I've got a full schedule today" or something like that. I don't owe someone a big explanation about every last little thing. "No" is a complete sentence. I also believe that if we're untruthful to the world at large then we're going to have a tendency to bullshit ourselves. I have a friend - LSD Tom - who hasn't been honest with the group about his belief that occasional drug use doesn't mean he isn't sober. Maybe he's right. I suggested that he bring it up as a topic at one is his regular meetings but I don't think he has done so. Now he says he doesn't feel great but he's having trouble sharing what's going on. I bet he is. I bet he's not telling the truth about some other things, too. It eats at us, this dishonesty.
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