I've been thinking my processing powers; as in, how I maneuver through various feelings associated with various events. I do OK a lot of the time; sometimes, not so good; from time to time I suck. I'm doing the best I can do, I believe.
I left a message on Willy's VM today. It was along these lines: "Whenever you don't pick up on the first ring I ask myself: have the authorities finally taken you away in handcuffs, never to see the light of day ever again, or have some other authorities tossed you into a softly padded room, peering in occasionally through a frosted glass window?" He got it. He knows he's right on the edge of insanity.
I was meditating and an image of myself, in the day, came up: driving 100MPH down a two lane highway, high and drunk, AC/DC at an ear-splitting volume, with my eyes closed, in a blackout. Or . . . appropriately dressed, calm in demeanor, politely listening to some boring-ass relative at a family gathering. I could easily see the first Seaweed. I would have clear memories of doing something like that except for the blackout part of the equation.
So . . . however I'm handling whatever life throws at me is built on that version of Seaweed, deeply embedded in my being. It's a long way up to normal from there.
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