QA For Seaweed

Assurance:  The state of being assured; firm persuasion; full confidence or trust; freedom from doubt; certainty. 

I have decided to screw with the insensate minds of the all of the financial institutions that I can find.  At this point I'm not all that concerned if I even have any business to conduct with any particular institution - I just want to fuck these people up.  I have been trying to parcel out the self-inflicted yet unavoidable pain in small doses, partially because this helps me work on my patience and tolerance, and partially, to be fair, to give an institution some time to process whatever request of mine that they're currently ignoring.

When I was still in the working world my job entailed selling diagnostic equipment used in industrial applications.  Initially, the most important part of the process was asking the right questions to find out exactly what the problem was so that I could figure out if I had a solution and what that solution entailed.  Over the years I saw a lot of different applications so I was pretty good at tailoring my approach.  I'd intuit what the problem was going to be, asking pretty targeted questions.  Still, it was a game - I had to direct the flow of the conversation so that the people I was dealing with would give me the information I needed.  People like to talk and they don't always know the point of the questions being asked - I knew the point and I was the guy who needed to know the point.  I was constantly trying to wrangle wandering engineers back into the fold.

When I call the institutions up I feel like I have to devise a clever line of questioning so that I can find out what they need from me.  They don't often tell me what this is or they talk and talk and talk before getting to the point.  Or they don't have the thing that I've already sent them - this is very popular.  I don't know why these people have fax machines - the faxes never seem to end up where they're supposed to go.  When they say: "You'll need to fax those documents to us" I now realize this is shorthand for: "Why don't you just take that shit, feed it through a paper shredder, and then use it to start the campfire you're going to need to cook the elk you'll be forced to kill so that you can survive because you're not getting any fucking money from us."  
They don't say that, of course, because "this conversation is being recorded for quality assurance purposes."  I want to ask them what they're trying to improve, exactly.