Big Red-Faced Jean

Cyclical: Recurring at regular intervals.

In The Old City I had nicknames for a few people.  They were sometimes pretty literal, like Golfer John or Doctor Steve.  Often, they were a little snarky, like Big Scary Todd or Little Scary Jeff or Big Red-Faced Jean.  This is the origin of my original nickname: Horseface Steve. As a man obsessed with what other people think about me I've always wondered how someone who doesn't know my last name paints a picture of me: "You know, Steve!  Kind of has a big horseface."  

See why I meditate?  It's a way to avoid judging or categorizing perfectly fine people.

Some odds and ends that have been popping up over and over  . . . 

There is a lot of suggestion that what I find when I meditate should just be left alone.  So often in life I want to change what I find instead of trying to see that these things are as they should be.  I need to try more diligently when I consider something - people, especially - to see what's good there instead of looking at someone as an obstacle to be moved or fixed.  In one of the Buddha (Ed. Note: Buddha = Generic god figure - I'm not trying to convert anyone here) visualizations I sit on a cushion, my mother on my left and my father on my right, looking at the generic god.  In front of me are all the people I find distasteful.  We're all looking at this image of goodness and trying to get lost in the goodness.  We're trying to understand that all sentient beings want to be happy and free from pain and misery.  I see these people as simply trying to get better instead of trying to figure out how to banish them to a damp dungeon hewn out of solid rock.

And how about linear versus cyclical thinking?  I'm a fine product of The West, trained to look at a task as having a start and an end.  Get it done.  Finish it up.  My meditation practices keep suggesting that I see life as a repetition.  There's nothing that I have to get right.

The important thing is the practice.  One of my meditation apps shows icons for other people who are currently meditating.  It's kind of cool imagining me sitting on my porch here in Vacation City being joined by thousands of other people all over the world.  This is the community I want to be a part of.

I'm re-reading The Big Book of my chosen religion.  For those of us who are followers of the three monotheistic religions - Christianity, Judaism, Islam - there is inevitably a lot of stuff about exactly how and why the main god is the main god.  I wish there was some more editing in this book.  I'm down with the main god being the main god - it's enough already with the reasons and threats, I'm on your side - and would like to see some more positive parables and shit like that. Good stories, you know?  Stories that tell me how to live well.  This is much more interesting to me than the vaguely sinister tone that creeps in from time to time about why I damn well better get on board with who exactly is the main god.