Is A Resentment The Return Of A Sentment, Or Is It Simply Umbrage?

Resentment:  A feeling of anger or displeasure stemming from belief that one has been wronged by others or betrayed; indignation. 

Speaking of resentments . . . 

I wrote a while back about the uproar that ensued when a certain clique in a large morning meeting that I frequent got honked off enough to take their ball and go home.  Fair enough.  I was glad they started a new meeting - the more meetings we have the better it is for everyone, and frankly these honked-off people were causing more tension being honked off than any problems that were arising from the stuff that they were honked off about.  I was glad that they left - they were pretty vocal about their disapproval of the way the meeting was being run, pretty bleeding deacon-ish about it, so I enjoyed the calmness that bloomed in their absence.

Afterwards the remaining members were a little shell-shocked - a lot of sobriety walked out the door - but they pulled together and did a nice job of keeping the meeting running, and in fine fettle, too.  Some men and women with some sobriety who were sitting in the shadows of the malcontents stepped up and really blossomed as members. It was a blast to see.  We all like the wisdom of the long-timers but they can be a little preachy sometimes, with all of the "when I got sober" stories and the mildly condescending attitudes directed at anyone who wasn't doing it the way they were doing it.  The Right Way.

Here's the funny thing - the malcontents believed, I think, that their new, great meeting was going to roar off into the stratosphere, drain the membership of the old meeting which would then wither and die.  A year later they shut down the new meeting and came back.  They didn't seem too abashed about it, either.  I got the sense that they were taking some credit for the resurgence of the old meeting.

I caught up with a friend of mine after the Friday morning meeting, one of the guys who hung around and was instrumental in helping the meeting stay on course.

"David," I said.  "I have to ask - do you feel any sense of resentment now that all of the discontented people are back, pretending like nothing ever happened?"

Holy shit, did I get an earful.  I did not speak again in that 15 minute conversation.  I wouldn't say that he was enraged - annoyed is more like it.  I know that I look at the malcontents differently now.  I didn't like the way they behaved and they don't seem to have changed in their outlook or feel any remorse for their actions so there has been a subtle shift in my attitude.  I don't believe it's a resentment - it's not like I stay awake at night plotting my revenge but I have definitely taken a step back in those relationships. 

It's helpful for me to admit to these human emotions.  I used to seesaw between unleashed rage and simmering resentment.  Neither was good for me - I need to acknowledge that I'm angry and deal with the anger, not by exploding and not by pretending that nothing is wrong.