Sigh

More alcoholism . . . 

I have stayed in touch with a handful of people from The New City - not a million people, but enough people.  I hadn't been there long enough to develop the relationships I had in The Old City but I did have some good friends.  One of these was a guy who had recently been released from prison where he had served a 6 year sentence.  He was a nice man - he did something when he was drunk that the legal system chose to construe in the worst possible light.  He decided to contest this charge -  because he thought it had been blown out of proportion - instead of taking a plea bargain.  The good news is that you may not go to prison at all - the bad news is that if you're convicted you're $#!!ed.

He got some bad news.  

I believed his version of events.  They may not have been true - I've been bamboozled by drunks before - but I think they were.

He had stayed sober in prison and was active in The Fellowship upon his release, surprising me by calling regularly after I had moved.  I thought this showed a real commitment to recovery.  At first the calls were weekly, then they started to drop off.  I didn't hear from him when we were traveling even though my phone plan permitted international calls - I rang him up once and he texted a reply, never a good sign in my book.  I knew he was busy and the time difference was a pain but then again, excuses are a dime a dozen.

I called him a few days ago.

"Well," he said.  "I've got some good new and some bad news.  The good news is that I celebrated 7 years when you were gone - the bad news is that I relapsed."

Very bad news indeed.

I'm a pretty good guy to call if you've relapsed: I'm not big on guilt - we feel bad enough as it is -  but I don't give anyone a pass, either.  I say things like "Welcome back" and "Thanks for telling me" and "What happened?"  I don't tell people that it's okay because it's not okay - it's dangerous as hell.  My friend is on parole.  I can't imagine that someone on parole is permitted to drink, if that was indeed what he did.  If he used drugs I know that's a no-no.

He was vague about where he was in the recovery process.  I hung up believing that he hadn't stopped relapsing which is the most important part of the relapsing process.

This text showed up yesterday: "I've burned everything down and I accept it all."  I sent along an encouraging note but I'm not going to call him until things turn around.  I'm active in The Fellowship; it's what I do.  I'm not saying you have to do it, too, but it's what I do.  It's my belief that contacting someone who continues to drink has never been helpful to me or to that person.

It has been a couple of days of stark reminders.