Silence

Restraint: Control of emotions, impulses, etc.

First of all, the concept of "control" is going to cause some problems for me. I have perfected a system of spinning out of control. I can control you, of course, if you have the inclination to let a drunken boob run your life. Sometimes I have been known to control the entire universe, including family, friends, and our legal system. And quite well, to be honest about it.

Then, restraining my mouth is going to be a Herculean task. When I want to say something, I'm damn well going to say it, and I'm not going to think, pause, or ponder before letting it rip. Rash emails are another specialty, as are impetuous letters, notes, and sticky post-its. I'm not going to think before I act -- my initial reaction is always appropriate.

It is written that "Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen." I struggled with this phrase initially; I wanted to achieve a full intellectual grasp of the concept. Finally, I went to my sponsor for clarification: "It means that you should shut the hell up, " he said. Now that I got. That was pretty specific. No gray areas or blurred lines with that comment.

To prove that he was wrong, I made two lists: one was all of the times that I got in trouble by keeping quiet when I should have spoken up; the other contained the times that speaking before thinking caused problems. In 20 years of sobriety, I managed to come up with three things in Category One. There were five examples in the second category before lunch today.

Maybe my sponsor is on to something.