Blame

Blame: To put the responsibility of, as an error, fault, etc. (on someone or something).

As a living saint with no discernible faults, I find it easier to go on the offensive when my behavior causes a problem than to take any responsibility for my actions. Much, much easier. The best defense is a good offense, and I come out with my six guns blazing. Unless, of course, things work out well -- then I'll take credit for the outcome, even if I have nothing to do with it, which is almost all of the time. The basic idea is this: if it's bad, you did it. If it's good, look no further for you have found the magical architect.

My ability to justify my behavior is Herculean. My capacity to spin a web of self-serving lies would put a Washington politician to shame. I get calls all the time from the capital from shadowy operatives looking for pointers. When something goes wrong I like to vanish into the fog, to blend in with the wallpaper. Sometimes I wear clothing with the same pattern as the wallpaper so I can suddenly disappear if this becomes expedient.

The police could find me passed out in my car, with the engine running, at 3AM in the middle of a busy intersection, alcohol on my breath and on my shirt, empty beer cans piled nearly to the roof, and a veritable pharmacy of illegal and fraudulently obtained legal drugs on the passenger seat, and still come up with a justification: "Ossifer, I can explain this."

How about I work on myself today?