Excitement

Exciting: Causing excitement; arousing keen interest, agitation, etc; stirring; thrilling.

One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in my sobriety is that life can be boring. Not kind of boring but really stupefying. Say what you want about active alcoholism and rampant drug use, but boring it is not. Driving a car at a high rate of speed, lost, head hanging out the window to get some fresh air (ten degrees, driving rainstorm, hail the size of golf balls, we don't notice), covering one eye with a large swizzle stick or used crack pipe to try to manage the number of center lines we are seeing -- exciting. Going to work -- boring. Risky sexual behavior versus a committed relationship? LSD at the annual fireworks celebration or visiting your grandmother in the nursing home? Cutting the grass versus just about anything else in the world?

Life is the little choo-choo slowly moving around a flat landscape with a few gentle curves and maybe a tiny descent at the end, with your kids sitting next to you. The big rush comes when they toot the little choo-choo horn. I want to be at the top of the big hill on a roller coaster called The Lobotomizer or The Widow Maker. I want to be stimulated right up to the point of heart failure. I want life to be a dangerous, fantastic, thrill a minute.

All of this is the normal thought process for a middle aged adult with the emotional make-up of a 15 year old. It can be distressing to learn that we need to sleep, work, eat, and practice some minimal personal hygiene. It is very time consuming behaving responsibly. We like it easy and fast. We don't like things that take time or effort.

Today I will brush my teeth three times, and floss, just like the dentist said.