Serenity

Serenity -- "The quality or state of being serene; calmness; tranquility; repose."



For this alcoholic, Webster's dictionary might as well define that word in Swahili or electronic beeps and twitters. Maybe they could use cave drawings from before the dawn of time or ancient Egyptian hieroglypics. It might be easier for me to figure out what the word serenity means.



My natural state does not tend to calmness. My life was not characterized by tranquil rest when I was drinking and drugging. I default to chaos. I must like trouble and problems considering all of the energy I expend trying to create them. It has been an amazing revelation to discover that it is easier avoiding a problem in the first place than trying to clean up the mess afterwards.



Thanks for visiting. The idea here is to try to laugh about recovery. Alcoholism can be funny, but only after we begin to extract ourselves from the downward spiral. It is decidedly not funny when we are in the midst of it. Not ha-ha funny; not tee-hee funny; no gentle chuckling or knowing chortling. It is funny to talk about losing track of the location of my car after a long night of drinking. It was not funny trying to explain to the cops what I was doing wandering around a residential neighborhood at 3AM without any shoes on. They wondered why I was trying to locate a car when I didn't have any car keys with me.



I'm a little sarcastic and a little irreverent. I think we can be too pious and too serious and too emotionally overwrought in our recovery. I need to be able to laugh at myself. I spent all my time trying to find other people to laugh at until I reached the bitter end and no one was in worse shape than I was.