In my Quiet Time I ask for help from outside my self in directing my thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. I'm not positive what that means exactly, or how it applies to me. Certainly, I'm self-seeking. THAT one I get. I'm a self-seeking guided missile. A self-seeking bulldozer. I don't think I'm all that dishonest; at least that I know of. Sure, I lie all the time but is that what the Big Book is really talking about? Some lying to make myself look better in the eyes of my fellows or to hide up some shitty, underhanded behavior that might make me look better seems perfectly reasonable to me. Everybody does that, right? But the suggestion that makes me pause is the reminder to avoid self-pity whenever possible. I really, seriously don't think that I fall into that trap too often.
So here's some stuff . . .
I called a friend in The Program and didn't get a return call.
I sent a long, clever, relatable text to a new person in The Fellowship with whom I have a strong relationship. Crickets.
I sent a note out to a friend about a topic that I really thought about and heard an entire chorus of different crickets.
The car repair is taking longer than I had hoped. Not longer that I expected but longer than I had hoped.
None of this stuff is important. None of this stuff is out of the ordinary. But it has sort of bugged me, you know? The sane part of my brain is saying: "Chill out." and the insane part, the huge, massive insane part, is shrieking: "The world is ending!!"
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