Fear

"Do I remember that I have a right to my opinion but that others don't have to share it?  Do I remember that my opinions are mine, and yours are yours?  Do I remember that my opinions come from my experience?"

From the Daily Reflections

One time, long ago, when I was working with a man who ended up being a long-time sponsor, and this incident was early in our relationship, I shared about a situation where my family was driving me bonkers and when I was done I asked him what he thought I should do.  He laughed and said: "Oh, no, you don't.  I'm not going to tell you what to do because I don't want to get blamed if it doesn't work out the way you want it to."  I understood at that point the idea was for him to ask probing questions - often questions that made me consider a situation from a novel viewpoint, one I hadn't been considering - to share his experience of how he might have behaved in a similar situation and how that worked out for him, to remind me of the importance of talking to other people - a lot of other people - to get their take on the matter, to probe their experience, strength, and hope, and finally to use our reference literature to see if I could find any pertinent wisdom there, and then to make the best decision I could at the time.  If things worked out to my satisfaction - fine, I could take full credit - and if they didn't work out how I wanted them to - fine, I could take full credit.  In both cases - success and failure - I would have learned a lesson by taking responsibility for my own actions, something I was loathe to do when shit blew up in my face.

"Your mind's first reaction is often to make an assumption of someone's meaning through your projection of their intention.  Every time you fall into a trap and react instead of respond, ask yourself, What am I afraid of?  Once you know this, you can look deeper to find out where the fear comes from."

Man, I'll tell you . . . the wisdom that comes from understanding that most of my problems and conflicts come from a place of fear is so universal as to be almost universal.  It is a Truth, I think.  The above passage was from the Toltecs who thrived when Europe was mired in the Dark Ages.  Here's what Alcoholics Anonymous has to say about the matter:

"All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.  Self-centered fear is the chief activator of our defects.  Sometimes we think fear should be classed with stealing.  It seems to cause more trouble."

I like that last sentence.  We'd be better off being a thief than being consumed with our own self-centered fears.  Think about that: you can go to prison for stealing so Bill and Bob were really emphasizing how destructive our fears are.