Well, I guess the title of his book is "A Path With Heart" after all. It makes me reflect on my oft-repeated saw that wisdom is a combination of knowledge plus experience. I'm real big on the knowledge part. I figure if I do enough research I can figure anything out, but the nature of my constantly developing spirituality balks at restricting any growth I want to achieve to only this facet.
At 68 years of age and 37 years of sobriety I see my role in Alcoholics Anonymous as a father figure as much as anything. I reflect often on how the older men in The Program helped me navigate the real world when I was getting sober because I did NOT have any idea what was going on in the real world, preferring instead to hallucinate within my own disturbed pseudo-reality. They were calm and thoughtful, never critical or hectoring, mostly just listening to me talk instead of telling me what to do. Most of us know that telling a new person what to do is the definition of futility.
I have become friends with a couple of women at my morning meeting who are roughly the same age I was when I got sober. Both of them are in the two year range and thriving while still tilting at windmills with their little wooden swords, certain they can slay the dragons all by themselves. One of the women is a lot like me in many respects - an overachiever who believes she is underachieving, with a high, hot motor driving her relentlessly forward, always trying to move fast and break things, and a sunny disposition geared designed to make sure everyone loves her. She is very social and has a lot of friends so my connection with her is mostly a reminder that she might want to slow the fuck down a little bit. Both of her parents are active, high-bottom alcoholics so perhaps I'm able to show her some perspective devoid of any familial judgement about her behavior. Mostly, I just let her swirl. She'll stop swirling or she won't and it's way out of my sphere of responsibility.
The other woman is so constructed that I don't identify with much of her approach to the world. She does have that "don't tell me what to do" attitude I find so charming in young people plus she takes my Death Metal or Stoner Rock suggestions and actually listens to the shit so that puts her in a favorable position in my hierarchy of People Who Are Worth My Time. However, she's very emotional and that is so not me. I've learned that she has a father who is part of the long-term homeless population and that she rarely communicates with him. Her aunt lets the family know if anything dire has happened but that's the extent of her contact. Her mom lives with a boyfriend who's a recovering addict. My friend seems to get along with those two okay but it's not something she talks about very much so I'm assuming she isn't overly close with either of them. I've gotten quite close to her over the last two years - she once informed me that she's not one of my A.A. daughters but that she's my favorite A.A. daughter. I laughed out loud when she said this but I'm getting the impression that it may really be true. I find that I can serve the role of father/mentor/old person/spiritual advisor with young women more than young men and I can say that with no shame or ulterior motives. I'm not a A.A. guy-predator type and I'm so wrinkled that I'm now invisible to anyone under 40 in any case but I think my general demeanor is more comforting to the girls than to the boys. I'm not much of a boy once you get past the reproductive organs so I don't easily connect with the boys. I'm a wuss is what I'm trying to say.
I have been pondering the comfort I seem to be providing to a woman who doesn't have a father to talk to and is probably wary about confiding in someone who's her father's age? I have no agenda except to serve as a sounding board and to be a calming, regular presence in her life. You know what - I am just an ass in a chair at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous! It's as easy as that! Just listen! No one wants my advice on anything!
I cannot tell you how much this makes my heart sing. I don't even care if it's true or not. It's not a lie if you believe it.
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