Small Comprehension

"As we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, and the sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescribable.  These are the first fruits of Step Four."  P 50 12&12

The first time I ever really took an honest, unvarnished look at who I was happened as I attempted a moral inventory.  That phrase - "moral inventory" - sounds sinister and inflexible, like I'm sitting on a hard pine pew in a freezing, stark New England church, a severe man with a scowl on his face lecturing me about death and sin and the unquenchable fires of hell.  Maybe we should change the Step that has a gentler tone: "Dude, do you know who you are?  Maybe you could take a closer look?  Dude?"

"But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.  The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being."  P 53 12&12

Occasionally I'm blindsided by one of these "OK, I'm not fucking around here" phrases in our literature.  Most of the time I can tease out some nuance but not is sentences that say: Total Inability."  The jackhammer implication is that I have no interpersonal skills.  Was it any wonder that I was unemployable, undateable, and right off any guest lists?

"We have not once sought (Ed. Note:  The editor notes the word 'once.'  The editor notes this implies 'zero' attempts.  To paraphrase: 'We have never . . .') sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."  P 53 12&12