Boy

"If you bring forth that which is within you, then that which is within you will be your salvation.  If you do not bring forth that which is within you, then that which is within you will destroy you."
THE GNOSTIC GOSPELS 

My behavior with caffeine and sugar and salt is the behavior of an addict or an obsessive-compulsive.  I plan on behaving differently when I'm lying in bed at night, recapping all of my day's great successes and wonderful behavior, and then I get up and have a cuppa, and I'm anxious.  Crazy.

My wife has been a real partner to me through all of this.  Now, she is justifiably suspicious.  She is quite reasonably moving forward thoughtfully, cautiously.  She has lived with my behavior for a long time so I understand that I can't simply turn on a dime and Presto! everything's OK, especially when some of my behavior is falling under the "act as if" category.  I'm not completely buying into it myself so I sure don't expect people around me to buy into it, either.

Boy, do I spend a lot of time thinking about myself.  Boy.  Can you believe that there are people out there that naturally think of others before they think of themselves?  Scourge of the earth, those people.

I am dipping into some real New Age shit here.  I'm a technocrat so all of this experimental stuff that has not been verified in a rigorously monitored test study can be hard to swallow.