Ah, the Simple Drunk

Alcoholism: A diseased condition caused by habitually drinking too much alcoholic liquor.



Let's try to figure out the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic. Drunks come and go. Thousands are made each day and they fade away, into the mist, just as quickly. A drunk is easy to spot. He's the guy who drinks way too much way too fast, has a lot of fun for about an hour before throwing up in a potted plant and falling asleep under an end table. He's remorseful and changes his behavior. He sees that no good will come of this type of activity. The hangover means something to the drunk. He compares the hour of fun with the misery of a sour stomach and pounding headache, and comes to a rational decision. His boss is pissed and his wife isn't speaking to him. He perceives that there are a lot of good reasons to avoid this behavior.



The alcoholic is a professional drunk. Everything revolves around the drinking. It isn't an afterthought. It's the end game. The alcoholic needs the alcohol. He doesn't go anywhere if there is the slightest chance that there won't be enough to drink, or he oils the machine before leaving. He frequently appears to be relatively sober until he is clearly insanely drunk. He has a supernatural awareness of the alcohol. It speaks to him slowly and clearly, and he hears every word. He knows what everyone is drinking and how much they have had to drink. He is locked in a terrible, slow struggle with the drink.



I would be a very wealthy man if drinking was a profession.