Cognitive Dissonance

I think often about the psychological concept of cognitive dissonance; or the idea that a person can somehow hold two conflicting beliefs or opinions in their one mind and still move around the world, behaving normally.  Like the practicing alcohol who is totally aware that drinking is proving very destructive while convincing himself with each new day that drinking is going to work out fine, that it'll be different this time.  Maybe this is insanity of a sort?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Like the religious but barely spiritual individual who can personally engage in behaviors that are antithical to the beliefs of his religion while presenting a moral and ethical front to his fellow believers?  There are millions of examples of cognitive dissonance.  It's why so many of us are insane.  We do stupid things that we know are stupid but we do them anyway.

While I'm on this topic I was reminiscing about the many times I've bought coffees or snacks for people or jumped in to make up the difference when someone couldn't afford to pay for all of the groceries they had unloaded onto the cashier's conveyor belt.  How my nature is to hold onto my money and look away - it's my money!  mine! - and how I've learned that relaxing my death grip on my cash and helping someone else out -  even if they don't really need the help  - is beyond satisying.  I lose some cash but I feel great.

Just Don't Be A Dick Today

The Toltecs were a Meso American culture that preceded the Aztecs who considered them a mystical, magical society.  Here's a little something from the Toltecs: "This living with a quiet mind creates a state of pure bliss that comes from being entirely in the moment.  Truly nothing matters but the present, because it is the  only place where life can express itself."

See, this is the thing about spirituality: it all boils down to a few simple, basic, universal truths.  So in Alcoholics Anonymous we say "One Day at a Time."  The Toltecs prefer to remind us that nothing matters but the present.  The Buddhists tie the concept of being present to mindfulness, believing that we should fully attend to each moment without distraction, clinging, or aversion.  It's kind of like your mother telling you to be nice - all over the world mothers are telling their children to be nice.  No one is saying: "Hey, just be a dick today."  There's not a central font of wisdom that tells women to remind their kids to be nice.  They're all doing it.

Hidden Blessings

I find that the unexpected should be more expected than it is.  You'd think after a while that some of the simple facts of my life should be more transparent and less surprising.  Things that have happened over and over and over again still surprise me.  Probably because I still confuse what I want to do - which I think will make me happy - with what I should do - which actually makes me happy.

I started writing on this platform in 2008.  I write frequently because it is still surprising to this day  how my thoughts veer into unsuspecting and very revealing side streets and back alleys when I write shit down.  I start off with what I think is going on, with what I think the solution to whatever quandary or conundrum that is annoying me currently, and the pen or the mouse takes me where I need to go.  I had, naturally, huge and unrealistic expectations as to what the blog was going to do for my ego.  You know the drill: "Little Stevie Seaweed - world famous sage and mystic, wealthy beyond all belief as a recovery influencers, will be our special guest today on the show."  That kind of totally self-absorbed thinking.  Any yet it's the little magical moments that make my life so satisfying.

I was at my coffee shop a while back and there was a young dude with his two year old son there.  He was clearly as proud as he could be of the child who was dressed neatly and had his hair carefully coiffed.  They ordered and sat down to wait to get their drinks.  I ordered my coffee, asked the barista to hang on for a second, then asked the father if I could buy his son a cookie.  Dad let the shy and abashed and probably confused boy pick out a huge chocolate chip cookie which I added to my order.  It was a slow process watching him decide on a cookie but I could see the people behind me tickled shitless that this was happening.  Dad made sure his son thanked me as he nibbled politely on the cookie and then thanked me again as they left the shop.  I can assure you that this event was immediately forgotten and that they have never thought about me or that chocolate chip cookie ever again . . . but here I am living in a crystal clear memory of some small kindness I extended a year or two ago.  Who got the most out of that free $4 cookie?  Me?  Or that family?

Anyway, I disabled the comment section on my blog long ago due to some snarky posts that readers left.  I can see in a general way how many people read each day but am never sure if some of those views are due to bots trying to get responses.  And then I got a short, sweet note from someone in London thanking me for my efforts, a long time reader thanking me for my writing.  Can I tell you how AMAZING that made me feel?  This is why - contrary to my still powerful instincts to try to swirl more money, power, and sex into my foetid little backwater - I ask my better self to think of you and not me.  It's still counterintuitive, these attempts at selflessness, but so, so worthwhile.

I Still Don't Know What I'm Talking About

Here's my primer in Buddhism . . .  So old, but not as old as Hinduism, of which it's an offshoot.  One of the main differences is that Hinduism is god-based, more or less, while Buddhism is more of a philosophy of self

Anatta literally means “not-self” or “absence of self.”  It denies the existence of a permanent, unchanging, independent self or soul (ātman), which many other Indian traditions (like Hinduism) affirm.  Instead, what we call a “person” is a collection of constantly changing physical and mental processes.  

Freedom from Attachment – Believing in a fixed self fuels craving, ego, and suffering. Realizing anatta helps loosen that grip.  

Impermanence (anicca) – Since everything is changing, there can’t be a permanent self.  

Suffering (dukkha) – Clinging to a false sense of self causes dissatisfaction.   

Together with anicca (impermanence) and dukkha (suffering), anatta forms the Three Marks of Existence in the Buddhist philosophy.

The “Flame” Analogy is a good way to visualize the difference between Buddhism and Hinduism

Hinduism: The same flame (soul) continues, unchanged.

Buddhism: A new flame is lit from the old one — continuity without identity.

It's interesting in my life how I provide some form of comfort and inspiration to different people and how they provide these things to me.  I'll write something or ponder something else and I'll think: "I bet so-and-so would be interested in this."  It's reminiscent of the times when I share a crap share at a meeting and someone tells me how much they identified with what I have said.

Too Deep For Me . . . But Interesting, No?

It's funny this life we live . . .   We are such weird, unusual animals, human beings.  We have self-awareness and the knowledge of our own inevitable death almost as long as we're self-aware enough to know we're going to die.  Animals know when death is close but they don't ponder it for years and years and they sure don't build tombs and mausoleums to appease god or the gods.

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your own thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and how they affect you and others. It’s essentially “seeing yourself clearly.”   

Psychology sees self-awareness as both beneficial (better regulation, empathy) and potentially burdensome (overthinking, self-consciousness).  

Philosophy asks what it means to be aware of oneself, and even whether the “self” is real.  

Psychology tends to ask: “How does self-awareness develop, and what does it do?”  

Philosophy tends to ask: “What is the nature of the self that is aware, and is it real?”  

Together, they show that self-awareness is both a practical tool (for growth and regulation) and a deep mystery (about identity and existence).

Martyr Seaweed

Here are a few nuggets from the story "Physician, Heal Thyself! in The Big Book . . . 

"And then one ill-defined day, one day that I can't recall, I stepped across the line that alcoholics know so well, and from that day on drinking was miserable."  Some term this the jumping-off point.  There's a phrase that mentions that we know we can't live with alcohol and we can't live without it.  My memories of the time - I also cannot remember the specific day - were centered around total hopelessness.  Alcohol was no longer providing the relief I needed to get away from me, my own self, but stone, cold sober was intolerable.  This is a horrifying memory.  This is horrifying.  

"Don't feel you are a martyr because you stopped drinking."  Yeah, well, what we do is what 95% of the world does everyday and we think we deserve special recognition.  Hey, I'm on time this morning and I'm not hungover . . . Give me something!   Praise me!  Reward me!  I'm amazing!"

"I got all sorts of books on Higher Powers . . . "  And counselors and ministers and psychologists and on and on we try to understand why we are doing what we are doing and what the solution might be.  I did the book thing and basically what I found out is that most religions and philosophies and spiritual movements revolve around a few simple rules.  This study helped me grow as a person but it didn't stop my drinking.  Maybe it'll work for you but I found my answer in A.A.  Not everybody does and that's fine, we've got no truck with sobering up using whatever method works for you.

Complete abandon.  Half measures availed us nothing.  Thoroughly followed our path.  Completely give oneself to this simple program.  Complete - To make something whole or perfect; total; thorough; absolute.  Most of us stick our toe in, drink again, stick our foot in, drink again, stick our leg in etc etc etc.  Most of us try to find that easier, softer way.

"Here he is powerless, unmanageable, in the grip of something bigger than he is, and he's got to turn the whole business over to someone else!  It fills the alcoholic with rage.  We are great people.  We can handle anything."

Hot and Humid

"All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well."

Dame Julian of Norwich

To find true joy we must have passed through our sorrows and come to accept the whole of life into our hearts.

". . .  and now it's like this . . .  "

Buddhist Mantra

I have been reflecting on our recent trip to Africa.  Because I'm a comfortably well-off Californian suspended in an amber bead of order and purpose I have embraced our visits to countries where the average circumstances lie in a different atmosphere.  It was an amazing, revealing, and enlightening trip.  I got to see a lot of amazing stuff and a lot of amazing nature and - most importantly - meet a lot of amazing people.  The people were transcendent.  I cannot recall one incident where I wasn't treated with kindness and a friendly attitude.  The people were joyous.  I understand that I only got to see a narrow slice of society and that there is a lot of poverty that makes life much more difficult but everyone just seemed to keep on keepin' on.  They got out there and gave it a go and shrugged off any set-backs, hopeful that if today wasn't great then tomorrow would be better.  Again, I realize I'm making a lot of generalized comments but the overall vibe was an improvement over the grousing and bitching and dissatisfaction that I run into on a daily basis in my highly priviledged day to day living.  We tend to complain about the most idiotic, minor stuff, blithely overlooking the cornucopia of comfort and security that we casually wallow in.

So . . . back to Africa.  Much of the time we wandered around in chaotic, noisy cities that were perched on decaying infrastructure built many years ago to support a much smaller population.  And it was hot and humid.  Goddamn, it was hot and humid, and I don't mind that kind of weather as a general rule.  I learned very quickly that each day I was going to be facing conditions that were almost hallucinogenic.  I have a lot of energy for a guy my age but there were many times where a couple of hours in the heat, heavy traffic clogging the roads that were packed with locals talking loudly, exhausted me physically.  It was return to an air-conditioned cabin, stripping off sweat-soaked clothes, while wondering exactly what was it that I had accomplished?  The point here is that I can now look back on these days - uncomfortable, strenuous, disorienting days - with gratitude and wonder.  Were they easy and uncomfortable days?  No, they were not and this by a wide margin.  But I am a bigger, better, badder, more complete human being because of these experiences.  I was able to see through the discomfort to the satisfaction of having walked through a new world.