Fact Is

"The fact is that you can do practically anything in the field of human relationships, if you are willing to call on God's supply of strength.  The supply many not be immediately available, because you may not be entirely ready to receive it.  But it will surely come when you are properly prepared for it."

Another one of those reminders that I suck at relationships because I'm so freaking self-centered by nature.  Lest I forget The Book reminds me often, gently but persistently.  Buttressed by another, different reminder that I have a reserve of strength available to me . . . when I decided to tap into it.  I so often like to go it alone.

"Painful as the present time may be, you will one day see the reason for it.  You will see that it was not only testing, but also a preparation for the life-work which you are to do.  Have faith that your prayers and inspirations will some day be answered.  Answered in a way that perhaps seems painful to you but is the only right way.  Selfishness and pride often make us want things that are not good for us."

And another reminder that Pain is Inevitable.  I learn this and forget and learn it and forget it.  Reminded that when I check in with my Higher Power my requests are always, always answered.  I didn't used to believe this because I felt that two of the three answers - No.  and Wait. - were not acceptable.  My preferred Higher Power would say "Yeah.  Sure.  No problem." and then everything would work out great for me.  I'm reminded that when I get what I want it often blows up in my face.  Sometimes those Nos have saved my bacon.  Can you imagine how dead I would be if I had won the lottery when I was still drinking?  I almost pulled that off drinking cheap beer and smoking weed.  If I could have paid for high quality coke when I was running and gunning today I would be in a padded cell wearing a straight jacket.

Here are some notes I jotted down at a recent meeting when something someone shared struck a nerve.  I don't know what any of it means.  The short term memory is really short term these days.

Freedom from everybody. (Yeah, sometimes and with some people and not for very long and on a surfacey level.  A questionable freedom from time to time.)

Nothing is my fault - everything is your fault unless it's good.  Then it's definitely because of me.  (I really can't find any fault with this line of thinking.  It was true when I was drinking and it's true today.  I can always find someone else to blame.  I think this is why God put so many people on this earth - more of them to pisssssss me off.)

Didn't hurt anyone.  Pointing the finger.  (I believe the thinking here is that even when it's my fault it doesn't matter because it's none of your fucking business anyway.  Leave me alone.)

Saying sorry once.  (I like this idea that my amends should be twofold: a sincere face-to-face apology and then a continuation of good behavior that shows my sincerity.  It hardly works if I say I'm sorry and then keep doing the objectionable thing.)