The Dali Lama Speaks

Some good stuff from the Dali Lama:

As long as hatred dwells in the human mind, real peace is impossible.

Practicing the morality of individual liberation requires the self-awareness needed to refrain from physical and verbal actions that bring harm to others.  This means abandoning what Buddhists call the ten non-virtues.  These are organized into three categories:

1. The physical non-virtues: killing, stealing, and sexual misconduct.
2. The verbal non-virtues: lying, divisive talk, harsh speech, and senseless chatter.
3. The mental non-virtues: covetousness, harmful intent, and wrong views.

The physical ones are pretty straightforward and brook no argument. The verbal ones start to get a more invasive: I get the not lying part but the other three are a little more subtle. Avoiding talk that might annoy someone or start an argument, blathering on and on when you don't have anything to say, speaking with the intent to hurt someone. And the mental non-virtues start to get pretty abstract. They don't give me a pass for what I think. A lot of the time I allow myself to think whatever I want as long as I don't act poorly or run my mouth. The thinking part is the hardest to practice well but it still needs to be addressed.

Impossible and Intolerable: A Blotting Story

"We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help."  P. 25 Big Book

Impossible: Not able to be done or happen.
Blotting:  To obliterate; to cancel; to efface.
Intolerable:  Not capable of being borne or endured.

A favorite story of mine revolves around the hypothetical drunk being offered the choice of either continuing to drink until he/she dies, is institutionalized because of insanity, or enters the legal system; or accepting spiritual help.  There's a long pause, a furrowed brow, and this gem: "Can I get back to you on that tomorrow?"

Another one is the plight of the drunk who stumbles - drunk, of course - over the edge of a cliff and manages to grab onto a tree branch halfway down, hanging over a rocky shoreline being thrashed with huge waves.  He's screaming for help when he hears a stentorian voice say: "This is God.  I can save you, but first you have to let go of the branch.  Just let go!"

The drunk hangs there a minute, arms weakening, grip loosening, then yells: "Is there anyone else up there?"

Blotting out the details of an impossible, intolerable situation.  Sounds great, doesn't it?

Baffled Stevie

Promise:  An oath or affirmation; a vow.

Often we'll conclude a meeting by reading a section from the Big Book commonly referred to as The Promises.  Why do we call them The Promises?  Well, probably because the text asks: "Are these extravagant promises?"  That's the key phrase.  Alcoholics don't listen or pay attention so anything important has to be stated plainly and clearly, using a loud voice and simple language.

Here's one of the best Promises: "We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." P 84 BB.

Intuition:  Immediate cognition without the use of conscious rational processes; a perceptive insight gained by use of this faculty.

Boy, was there ever a long last of situations that used to baffle me.  I was easily baffled.  In fact, one of my nicknames is Baffled Steve.  

Baffle:  To bewilder completely; to confuse or perplex.

Do I act or do I wait?  

One of my favorite Seinfeld episodes revolves around the flawed character George.  He's in the midst one of his typical runs of terrible bad luck, a state of affairs that he's too myopic to see is his own damn fault.  One day, at lunch, he orders the exact opposite of the meal he orders every single day.  This attracts the attention of a beautiful woman who has just ordered the the identical meal.  Henceforth and forever more, he decides to do the opposite of what he normally does.  What happens?  Well, everything goes his way - he gets the woman, he gets the job, he finds $20 on the ground, everything begins to come up roses.  

I'll tell you - I get it.  I didn't have a great track record of making good decisions when I was drinking so I started out by not doing anything when I felt like I should do something and doing anything when I had no idea what I should do.  I figured the exact opposite would be the smartest move and I wasn't often disappointed.

Tidbits of Someone Else's Wisdom

9/16/08:  There is no doubt that the whole goal of life is to be satisfied with what one has.  This is the goal of all spiritual pursuits.

So if no one told you that they loved you today . . . tough shit, you still can't drink.

It's a great truth that the anticipation of pain is worse than most pain itself.  Add to that the relief at not having to worry any more about the pain that wasn't as bad as I thought is so pleasant that I'm motivated to go out and generate even worse pain so I can work through it and feel even better.

Boredom is low-grade depression.

God does not need my praise.  God did not create me so that I can praise Him.  God has a really fine and good sense of self-worth.  God is perfectly fine when I'm mad at Him.  God has a thick skin.  My invective bounces off harmlessly.

Today I'm going to be afraid, judgmental, angry, depressed, isolated.  I'm going to be proud, egotistical, resentful, bored, euphoric, and In Control.  And I'm going to live in The Future because that's where I can control things to my satisfaction unless something terrible is coming down the pike.

You can acquire thing or you can acquire experiences.  Things are deceptive and illusory and most compelling.

It's easy to daydream about things - moving to a new city, changing jobs, getting married -  but it's another thing altogether to actually do them.

My brain is a Difficulty Factory.

"The desire to do God's will is, in effect, doing God's will."  Thomas Merton

LITTLE Stevie Seaweed

Little:  Insignificant, trivial; short in duration; brief.

I'm coming more and more to embrace an almost digital existence.  Ones and Zeros.  Thought may just be mathematics.  Everything may just boil down to mathematical formulas.  Physics is weird shit, man.  

I am losing what is material and becoming pure electricity.  If we're lucky you're going to remembered for 3 generations and that's if you have children.  If you don't then you'll be lucky to have a material presence for 25 years and then you'll be gone, poof, wiped clean of the earth.  I think often of my grandparents but I only met one great grandmother and I know almost nothing of the people who came before them.  And I mean nothing.  I believe this is becoming more common, that the time we're present in the human consciousness is shorter and shorter.  Maybe that's the curse of the high-traffic, high-volume, monstrous data-dump that living a digital existence has become for people growing up in the 21st century.       

Talk about not being that important.  Talk about sobering.  Talk about being little.  Shit, that's my nickname: Little Stevie Seaweed.

I don't want this to sound negative.  I truly believe that I'm important and that I'm making a difference and that I'm loved and appreciated but I also believe that Here Today, Gone Tomorrow is a no bullshit aphorism.  No one is interested in my stuff or my shit or my story.  I try to make a difference today with no illusion that any difference I make is going to hang around for any length of time.  

I can't escape the feeling that this does sound negative.  Actually, I find it very freeing.  It gives me a ton of perspective.  It helps me get right-sized instead of living in this weirdly massive self-important self-image I have in my mind.

I'm Not The Plan Maker

9/5/07: 
1. My back is not that bad.
2. Be grateful for what you have - make a list.  (Ed. Note: I believe this is called a Gratitude List, the most famous of all A.A. lists.  The entry makes it sound like I just invented it.)
3. Do the best you can and be satisfied with that.
4. Why are you drinking coffee?

10/21/07:
1.  This is what life is.  Get off life's back.
2.  Be in the minute. (Ed. Note:  I believe this is a variation on One Day At A Time, which I did not come up with.) 
3.  Work on the meditation.  (Ed. Note: I believe this is the 11th Step.  I did not come up with this, either.)
4. Quit trying to make life more than it is.  (Ed. Note: I don't know what this means.)

I'm not sure what I learned in the month between these two entries.

Life unfolds so beautifully if I give it a chance which I don't like to do, apparently.  I prefer picking up a sledgehammer and trying to bash it into submission.  I want to mold life into a shape and form of my choosing.  I try to ignore the fact that the I know that the Plan Maker ain't me.  It has been a long and strange journey, but life does make sense from time to time.  A little bit.  Sometimes.  I see that there is some kind of logical plan unfolding.  My goal is to quit fighting it.  I try to find my place in the logical plan.

Gimme That PlayStation

Prayer:  A practice of communicating with one's god; a request, a petition.

So the point is that if I'm praying I should be asking, not telling.  I'm not great at asking but I'm quite good at telling.  Another good word for prayer is supplication which is defined as a humble request.

"We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only.  We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped.  We are careful never (Ed. Note: NEVER) to pray for our own selfish ends."  P 87 BB.

Others:  Other people.  (Ed. Note: Grrrrrr.)

"Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities.  'How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done.'  We can exercise our thoughts along these lines all we wish.  It is the proper use of the will."  P 85 BB

So when I add the qualifier "if it be your will" to my prayers I find that I've gotten increasingly comfortable with the asking for a specific thing.  I used to think this is selfish and that's probably because it is selfish.  However, I also believe that asking for something is a way for me to show my humility.  I'm not demanding it anymore, just asking for it.  It is a statement of powerlessness and a recognition of where the power lies.  I don't think my higher power is angry with me when I ask for a specific outcome as long as I try to remember that the wisdom of the answer is in his hands.  That's the "this is out of my control" part of the prayer.

Ask, don't demand, but ask.  Sometimes you get the PlayStation.