Big Book P. 62
My old view of God was based on the concepts of sin and mercy. If I did something wrong I "sinned" and if I was forgiven it was an act of "mercy." If I did something wrong and was unrepentant then God would punish me and if I did something good and didn't revel in it too much then God would reward me. Pretty, pretty, pretty harsh.
I went to my local - shop? It's not a barber shop? It's not a beauty shop? Fuck if I know what to call it? - to get my hair cut by the young woman with whom I had a discussion about recovery a few months ago. As she walked out of the back room I asked if she remembered me and she just came right up for a hug. Later, she told me that she still had my phone number pinned to her refrigerator. We talked recovery again and I assured her I wasn't shilling for Alcoholics Anonymous, just making sure she knew I could introduce her to a bunch of women her age if she wanted to come to my meeting. Maybe it isn't that bad for her at this moment in time. Maybe it is that bad and she simply isn't ready to join a recovery group. Maybe she's telling tall tales and half-lies about her dad who's in and out of jail and her mom who is siding with her ex over custody of their kids. I'm pretty savvy when it comes to alcoholic bullshit but sometimes it gets by me. Maybe I'm sowing seeds that will grow some day or will wither and die. It's so hard to tell.
I like being awake as the day dawns. I like seeing the light change as it goes from a suggestion of brightness to a dim, diffuse glow to full daytime light. It's quite spiritual for me to see this happen.
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