From a writer named Jess Walter there's this description, one of the finest I've ever read to describe what happened to me:
"But as a major CNS depressant liquor has its advantages. It struck my reptilian brain square on its diamond head. Booze - the ancient dimmer of fear and sorrow. The granny of all psychoactive meds, a blunt old hag toddling down out of the mountains with a demented smile and a club. World? She sneers. What world? And swings her cudgel at your skull."
I feel like a weirdo malcontent when I decline wine or beer. It's not that easy getting something to drink other than the standard still or sparkling water and even then you're most likely to get still water no matter what you order because the sparkle of the sparkling water is muted at best. I feel like pointing out that there should be some fucking BUBBLES in sparkling water. Sometimes we order a can of soda water - it can show up warm and unopened, still in the can, dropped off dismissively as if it was something offensive; sometimes it's a warm can accompanied by a glass of ice; but most often a partial can poured into said glass of ice before it makes to the table. Someone ought to explain the chemical reaction that happens when a warm beverage is poured into a glass of ice; that the ice melts quickly and dilutes the drink; and that the drink is then less appealing.
Probably, as a non-drinker, I'm a cruiser deadbeat, like someone who pays off their credit card each month without accumulating any fees or interest charges. Which is what I do. I'm guessing the people who buy the drink packages are subsidizing the rest of us. The cheapest package is a whopping forty dollars per day per person. That's eighty bucks a day for two people which is an astounding twenty five hundred dollars for a thirty day cruise. If you want an unlimited top shelf package you can double that. Five grand. Five thousand dollars. Unbelievable. I'm an alcoholic and I think that's unbelievable and if I was still drinking I'd make those fuckers lose money on my package. This is probably why you see old people drinking two glasses of wine at lunch just to get the party started. I’m an alcoholic and if I had two glasses of wine at lunch I'd either have to go sleep somewhere or use it as an accelerant for a day-long binge.
Despite the twelve hundred passengers onboard we're amused/amazed/appalled that no one besides yours truly have shown up the last two days for the scheduled, non-hosted onboard AA meeting. The constant presence of alcohol whenever we're not in our room is a bit annoying especially given that we're stuck in this recurring sea day cycle due to inclement weather, political unrest, and quarantine restrictions. I've never felt like drinking but I'm becoming increasingly aware of the presence of alcohol. If everyone walked around naked on the ship it would start to become less shocking and more quotidian. Eh, maybe not, given the girth and heft of some of these people but you get the point. Maybe not. I get the point which is that the alcohol being front and center is annoying after a while. I've been on a ship where alcohol is included and this pisses me off because I'm subsidizing the drinkers. And I've been on a ship where the alcohol costs cash money and this pisses me off because the staff is incentivized to push alcohol.
As you can see I'm easily pissed off.
I have this recurring problem with people. Namely, that they annoy me. I'm not totally sure why this is. I don't think it's because most people are annoying - although I have my suspicions - and I don't think it's because I find myself fascinating - although I'm not being entirely genuine there, either, as you may have deduced from the ongoing fascination I have with all things Seaweed. The mystery is why I approach most people with the “you're going to be annoying” attitude. I suspect I enjoy the comfortable feeling of superiority it gives me. Who, after all, doesn't enjoy feeling a little better than everyone else?
I'm on a ship with a lot of wealthy people. They're also older than me to a large extent and most of them haven't been too diligent in taking care of their bodies. Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time minding my physical self so seeing what happens when you don't is somewhat gratifying . . . no, not gratifying as that implies I enjoy seeing overweight people lumbering from buffet to buffet but more affirming. It's better to read than to watch TV and it's better to meditate than to doom-scroll on your mobile. Take care of the body, mind, and spirit or fade away.
Anyway, we ate at a shared table on Night One. There was a steady stream of competitive traveling - one boring woman tried to convince us to change hotels at our last stop because she knew the best hotel in that city. We picked our hotel by parsing a number of parameters - cost, services, location, etc - and did not try to find the “best” hotel. There were a steady stream of references from both couples concerning their “second homes.” I would have talked about my mobile home but SuperK would have killed me. Jobs were front and foremost, too, with a lot of mentions of where the job required the individual to travel to. When I was asked what I did I said “I inherited a lot of money from my father so I didn't have to work.” I really said that although I did come clean after a few beats. Kids and their accomplishments was de rigeur as a relentless topic of converation . . . Who gives a shit? Do you think I want to see pictures about your kids’ belongings. As my neighbor Hank the Curmudgeon once quipped: “No, I don't want to hear about your grandkids.”
Part of the deal for me is that I'm so used to the real, deep, heartfelt relationships we have in Alcoholics Anonymous where when someone asks me how I'm doing what they want to know is how I'm doing.
