Fairly Fair

Fair:  Just; equitable

All of this sleight of hand and passive-aggressive posturing and manuevering over the money - most of it no doubt hidden under layers of self-justification - brought to mind a story my friend EMC told me long ago.  He was in the process of getting a divorce and he was trying to behave well, two almost diametrically opposed actions.  This stupid Program encourages us to behave well - to the best of our ability - as often as we can.  This idiotic Fellowship suggests that we try to "understand rather than be understood."  It's harder than it seems, folks.

EMC worked outside the home and his wife worked inside the home, doing a fine job of raising their kids judging by the men they turned out to be.  So as part of the divorce proceedings he had a responsibility to provide alimony and child support, and he was happy to do this.  In fact, after reviewing the suggested court guidelines as to how the money should be divided, he decided to go above and beyond what he believed he would be obligated to pay.  The amount was insufficient in the eyes of his wife who was no doubt driven by a lot of financial fear.  I can understand this - it must have been frightening to contemplate a future where the individual who has been earning the money is moving out.

EMC pointed out that according to the court guidelines he was being generous - overly generous - but she stood firm, no doubt temporarily blinded by the thought of more money.  That's the thing with money - it's never enough.  More money always seems like a good idea.  The judge, of course, sided with EMC and his wife went home poorer, not richer.

I've never forgotten this anecdote.  I hope it actually happened, too, and more or less along the lines of what I've shared.  It keeps me forever pushing my boundaries as to what I think is fair.  I want to be the one doing more for everyone, giving more than I think I have to give.  What kind of lesson am I showing if I'm just another selfish cheap-ass trying to game the system so that I come out on top.  And I don't mean to suggest that we should allow ourselves to be treated unfairly - rather that we take a dispassionate view as to what fair really is.