Seaweed The Brat

 "Keep this in mind: By greeting trouble with optimism and hope, you are undermining worse troubles down the line.  Beyond that, imagine that you are easing the burden of everyone suffering problems of that kind.  This practice - imagining that by accepting your  pain you are using up the negative karma of everyone destined to feel such pain - is very helpful.  Whether this meditation really helps others or not, it give me peace of mind.  Then I can be  more effective; the benefit is immense."

So sayeth the Dali Lama . . . 

I've said it before and I'll say it again: spirituality is chock full of basic principles that stay remarkably consistent as you move from religion to philosophy and back again.  The same themes come up over and over.  Unfortunately, there are some flaws in organized religions that seem to come up over and over, too, especially when I look at the behavior of the most committed, hard-line adherents of the three monotheistic religions.  But the point here is that in Alcoholics Anonymous we believe that a difficulty surmounted makes us uniquely able to pass along a message of comfort and hope somewhere down the line.  Choosing my timing carefully, gauging each situation on a case by case basis, I often tell someone in some pain that sometime in the future they'll really be able to help someone who is experiencing a similar problem.  The idea of accepting my pain right now so that I can take away someone else's pain later on is a different way of saying that my experience, strength, and hope will benefit another member going through the same experience.  It's a little goofier and mystical to talk about karma for us Westerners but, boy, the basic idea is sound.

Brat:  An annoying, spoiled, or impolite child.

When I introduce newcomers to a woman I've known since you got sober seven years ago I playfully remark on what a . . . ah . . . pain in the ass she was for her formative years.  Last time she matter-of-factly stated: "I was a brat." I love that word.  A bunch of brats.

The good news is there's a solution - the bad news is that it's us.

Who Would Not Ordinarily Mix

There's a guy I know who has been sober forever and is adamant about calling himself "recovered."  I ponder this a lot.  I respect this guy, generally, and understand his reliance on the passage in the introduction from The Big Book that talks about there being one hundred or so people who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. In fact, the word "recovered"occurs far more often in the literature than you'd think - certainly more often than "recovering." But I also get very wary when someone takes a passage out of a book and blows it into an impossibly large cornerstone.  To me it's a useless matter of semantics - recover, recovering, recovered, whatever.  He thinks that it's a terrible message to send to a new person to say "I'm an alcoholic."  I think it's a dicey message to send to a new person to imply that I'm recovered and will never drink again.  I do believe, if I keep doing what I'm doing, that I'll never have to pick up a drink again (Dr. Bob's words, not mine) but I've seen way too many people cock-sure about their recovery relapse and never get sober. Personally, I believe that I'm still an alcoholic but that I'm no longer a drunk.

So . . . am I assured of never drinking again or is it a possibility?  Mental masturbation.  I fully expect to die sober but there are a lot of people who thought the same thing and ended up expiring in a shower of alcohol.

I do agree with his premise that alcoholism isn't an illness that can be cured by simply removing alcohol from the subject.  If that were true then treatment centers would be turning out winners by the millions.  "Alcohol is but a symptom."  If we don't get down to the root causes and conditions then our recovery is tenuous.  I think it's important to state unequivocally that if we don't figure out why we drink then just not drinking is going to be painful and ultimately unsatisfying.  Most of us have lived through the occasional dry drunk.  My record of drug/alcohol abstinence before I found Alcoholics Anonymous was eight days and a more miserable eight days I cannot imagine.

One of the facets of this guy that bugs me is that he's so cocksure about his opinion.  I try never to state anything as an A.A. fact.  I try to tell people what worked for me and then let them find their own path.  That being said I do believe that there is an important place in A.A. for these incredibly strong-willed, confident people.  Some of us are recalcitrant children who need to be told what to do.  I talked to a dude the other day who asked a hard ass to be his sponsor only to be told: "I come to a seven A.M. meeting every day.  If you can't commit to doing that, too, then you need to find someone else."  Jesus, there is absolutely no one in the world that I'd want to see every day.  But maybe this new guy is just fucking around with his recovery and needs some firm direction.

We are people who would not ordinarily mix.

More Religion V Spirituality

When I was getting sober I was still in full rebellion against the organized Christian religion that was such a cornerstone of my upbringing.  Too many warnings and threats, too much guilt and remorse, too much begging for forgiveness for things that seemed pretty normal to me.  And the long prayers!  There I would be in church, hungover as all get out, queasy stomach, trying to balance myself on a kneeler while the pastor droned on and on about the most mundane crap.  I no longer have this resentment, realizing that I was concentrating fiercely on the things that I didn't like and ignoring the things that should have been palatable, but it took me a long time to get there.    

Here's the Dali Lama . . .                                                                                                                                 "Here are what the Buddhists call the ten nonvirtues, organized into three categories: (1) Physical - killing, stealing, and sexual misconduct.  (2) Verbal - lying, divisive talk, harsh speech, and senseless chatter.  (3) Mental - covetousness, harmful intent, and wrong views."

It amuses me to note that there are ten nonvirtues.  Anybody see a parallel between the ten commandments?  Anybody see the remarkable similarities between the Christian commandments and the Buddhist nonvirtues?  One of my enduring, permanent installed VCR tapes is that the basics of a decent life were figured out eons ago and no one has really come up with anything new in a few centuries.  What did I think?  That a group of people were getting together and trying to figure out a better way to live and they finally decided: "Eh . . . murder?  We can leave that one off.  Don't see what the big deal is."  Other than that these two lists match up pretty closely, the big difference being that the Christians put a lot of pressure on us to prostrate ourselves before The Big Guy, a stance that the rebellious alcoholic hates.

I admit to enjoying the inclusion of "senseless chatter" in the Buddhist lexicon.  A guy in The Program that I respected once told me that he talked when he had something to say.  We have a timer at our morning meeting that very few people pay attention to.  It's three minutes, for God's sake!  I'm proud of the fact that I've never gone over the limit.  Anything past three is senseless chatter.

The Dude and His Dog

One of the cornerstones of my morning Quiet Time is a request that I be shown how I can be of service to another person.  I leave this wide, wide open, aware that the ways I can be of service are often routine and mundane.  I'm a Big Thinker - I like to imagine myself being of service in huge, public ways, not in the little kindnesses that make up so much of daily life.  Keynote address at the international conference of Alcoholics Anonymous or taking the time to learn a little something  about the young woman at the corner coffee shop who normally makes my drink.

I've mentioned the dude who has invited himself along on my post-meeting beach walks in the morning and that I wish he'd walk elsewhere with someone else.  I'm at great pains to emphasize that this is a perfectly fine dude.  The problem is that I don't think he's very interesting and that he's quite not funny.  Why is it that people who think they're funny aren't usually funny at all? "No, no, don't tell me another joke," I'm constantly thinking, preparing my shallow and fake smile, changing the topic as quickly as I can.  Now I'm not saying that I'm particularly fascinating or anything or that my analysis of his sense of humor is accurate, just that I don't think he's funny and that his presence on my walks is unwanted.  To be honest, I use that time in the morning to be by myself, to make phone calls to people I do like, or to listen to music.  Like most introverts the presence of another person - and it makes no difference who that other person is - ruins everything.  I'd rather be by myself than with someone else - even with someone I like, for chrissake - so this dude is really chapping my ass.

Yesterday I went to the meeting and the boring dude wasn't there.  Yesssss.  A dude-free walk was in my future.  Then, ruining my plans, at the last minute, literally while we were standing to pray out, there he is, strolling in.  I'm pretty sure that he came to the meeting so that he could meet up with me and then we could walk together.   He then made me wait for five minutes so he could go inside his house and get his dog saddled up.  I really like his dog which is crucial because I was really offended that I had to wait for him to return.  What a nightmare, right?  What an injustice, an imposition, a cosmic joke.

Later, as we strolled along - he turns back at about the halfway point so there's that good news, that and the dog - in the course of a routine question - I'm pretty sure he's never asked me anything about myself - he mentions that he wants to lose some weight and that he's been having a hard time getting started on a exercise program and that these morning walks with me have kick-started a daily walk regimen and for that he's grateful.  

God has these plans for me.  God answers my prayers in ways that baffle and amuse me.  For instance, there are a number of women at the meeting.  Why can't one of them decide to walk with me in the morning?  There are a number of people that I like at the meeting and some of them are these women that I just mentioned.  Again, why not one of them?  I'm grateful to my Higher Power for presenting me with opportunities to be of service - it's only that I'd like him to be more accommodating about  it.

Well, Personally

Samsara: The cycle of death and rebirth to which life in the material world is bound.  There are six levels that make up the possible range of existence in samsara: the gods, demi-gods, humans, animals, hungry ghosts, and hell denizens.

Well, personally I'm going to either pass on the last two or reside there exclusively.  I mean . . . I get what a hell denizens is but I'm unclear about the hungry ghosts which would be an EXCELLENT name for a hard rock band.

Bodishattvas:  One whose goal is awakening; hence, an individual on the path to becoming a Buddha.

Well, personally, I'm good with the first part but I'm having trouble even finding the path referenced in the second half.

Tantra:  This philosophy in early Hindu thought centers around special techniques for imagining a fully developed state of body and mind effectively helping others.  It provides a way to restrain and thus transcend our limited perception of our bodies and minds so we may perceive ourselves shining with wisdom and compassion.  Not to be confused with tantrum.  That concept I'm familiar with.

The main thing I like about Buddhism is that it's so positive.  It really emphasizes getting better without the "you're going to be punished if you don't get better" part.  The monotheistic religions are so sure of themselves: "This is how it's done and if you do otherwise you're going to burn forever in a lake of fire."  That isn't very fun.  I have a fertile imagination and I couldn't come up with lake of fire.  Who comes up with this stuff?  You have to put that in the book?  "Welcome everyone to our service this morning.  It's a beautiful day and we have coffee and cake after the service and let's not forget about an eternity being burned alive but never dying so let's not fuck up out there today.  Okay, it's time for the kiddie sermon.  Will all of the small children who haven't shit themselves out of sheer terror come on down front and sit real close to their real fun pastor."

Think, Think, Think

 "We come into this world crying while all around us are smiling.  May we so live that we go out of this world smiling while everybody around us is weeping."  Persian Proverb

Directly from my morning meditation book this day:

"Do we matter to others?  Have our lives touched the lives of others?  Do we think of ourselves as important and worthwhile?  

There are many lives we touch in a day, a week, months, or years.  Each of these lives was meant to touch ours.  We are meant to exist.  We are children of our Higher Power, who are watched constantly with love and concern.

We do matter to those around us.  Birth, as well as death, herald the entrance and the exit of a life filled with meaning and purpose.  We were meant to be here now, not only for ourselves but for the many lives around us.  Our lives are important and worthwhile to all the people we know."

I hear people all the time speak as if their lives have little meaning.  I understand this.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions, humdrumming the routine of an ordinary life, not noticed or appreciated by others.  Not too often anymore, I'm happy to report.  I've quit trying to be profound and important and started to be kind and present.  I have young people who work at my coffee shop who are glad to see me and it goes up from there.  So let's try to remember to tell people who much we care for them more frequently than we do.

The topic of today's meeting was a reminder to be on the lookout for our tendency to overthink things.  I get that.  I'm a great thinker, thinking great thoughts.  My M.O. when I was still drinking was Drink and Think, Drink and Think.  I didn't do much with any of my great thoughts, however, so I was pleased to hear the A.A. slogan "You can't think your way into good action but you can act your way into good thinking."  I'm reminded that the Big Book does not have chapters that are labeled "How We Think" or "Into Thinking" or "More About Thinking."  And I need to remember that the function of our brains is to think and there's a lot of good reasons for that - we're watching out for danger and putting together sound plans and remembering important shit.  And if we've lived a whole life of letting our brains run hog-wild then they're naturally going to be resistant if we try to rein them in.  I remind myself often that I can have trouble quieting my mind for two consecutive breaths when I try to meditate.  That sucker just fires up with the most random thoughts.

Be Nice

 From the Dali Lama . . . .

"Cultivating an attitude of compassion and developing wisdom are slow processes.  Untamed states of mind become less and less frequent.  You will need to practice these techniques day by day, year by year because all spiritual progress depends on a foundation of proper morality.  The main principle of Buddhist morality is to help others and, if that is not possible, at least to do no harm."

Man, the Buddhists sure give us a lovely out, a wonderful pass.  Let's paraphrase: "Be nice and if that isn't possible then you can at least not be a total asshole."  Again the idea of being a spiritual person ala St. Francis: be the kind of person that brings a smile to everyone's face.  Be kind and loving and understanding, slow to judge, really slow to anger. 

Sometimes it may sound like I'm tapping into all of this wonderful, ancient wisdom and philosophy and there's some truth to that - I'm agog at all the insightful texts out there that can guide us through life, if we'd only let them.  The hidden truth, however, the dark secret . . . is that every act, every thought, every memory that drives me can either be found in The Simpsons or Seinfeld.  Simple as that.  No one cuts to the heart of the matter like Homer or George Costanza.  SuperK recently mentioned the episode where Jerry's girlfriend hates George so much that he falls in love with her.  Doesn't this ring true for the alcoholic?  If there are 19 people who like me and one who doesn't I'm drawn to the one I rub the wrong way.