Politics and A.A.

I am trying to stay out of the middle of this.  I am trying to keep my resentments to a minimum and my outrage under control.  I have to admit that there may be some long-term, long-lasting resentments evolving at the moment.  If I stay as disengaged from the people involved as possible I stay more peaceful.

I cannot believe that our organization - one that professes a desire to be a responsible and salutary community asset - is ignoring both county and state laws.  And I cannot believe that it's ignoring the misery of our health care workers who are taking the brunt of the awfulness of the pandemic.  And ignoring our fellows who may not have health insurance at all or who can't afford PPE or who may be in such a precarious financial position that that they have to go to work - sick or not, risking spreading the disease even more - and then return to a home that may not be big and roomy and comfy, where there may be extended family members present who are much more at risk.

So what's the message to the newcomer?  Live a lawful, respectful, ethical life . . . unless you don't happen to agree with the laws or the ethics?  I don't think it works that way.  That's chaos.  That's how criminals justify criminal acts: "This company makes a lot of profit so I can shoplift to make ends meet?  Do what I want if it makes sense to me?  Selfish.

My opinion here is not unique.  There are a bunch of people who are as outraged as I am, some of them with very long term sobriety, people who have seen lots of ups and downs in the recovery community but still believe this is outrageous and threatening, a potentially dangerous tipping point.

I guess I AM lucky that most of the people behaving this way I either don't like much or don't respect at all.  But I can't imagine being in a meeting with them again and not having a positive message poisoned by my memories of this behavior.

Politics and A.A.  Whew.

The Twelve Concepts

One: Final responsibility and ultimate authority for A.A. world services should always reside in the collective conscience of our whole fellowship. 

AA: In the midst of the “exuberant success” of early A.A., Dr. Bob became fatally ill and Bill asked, “When Dr. Bob and I are gone, who would then advise the trustees and the office?” The answer, Bill felt, was to be found in the collective conscience of the A.A. groups. Rather than top-down leadership, “The AA groups are to be the final authority; their leaders are to be entrusted with delegated responsibilities only.” This Concept is rooted in Tradition 2 (the ultimate authority is the HP; leaders don’t govern).

Al-Anon: Confusion about roles and responsibilities can affect all our relationships. Our serenity depends on our ability to take responsibility for what is ours, and to let go of the rest (i.e., other people’s lives and work).

Two: The General Service Conference of A.A. has become, for nearly every practical purpose, the active voice and the effective conscience of our whole Society in its world affairs

AA: For the groups to carry on their primary purpose of working with alcoholics, they delegate their leadership role to the General Service Conference by each electing a GSR to represent them.

Al-Anon: I gain trust by letting go of some responsibilities, and giving them to someone else. This allows others to exercise their initiatives and skills, and I celebrate their accomplishments.

Three: To ensure effective leadership, we should endow each element of  A.A. -the Conference, the General Service Board and its service corporations, staffs, committees, and executives - with a traditional "Right of Decision."

AA: If the groups instruct their GSRs in detail, rather than giving them their own right to make decisions, then the area conference is hamstrung waiting for further instructions. “Our entire A.A. program rests squarely upon the principle of mutual trust.”

Al-Anon: Placing our faith in a power greater than ourselves helps us to trust the outcome of the decisions we make. And so we learn to extend the same trust to others (and their decisions).

Four: At all responsible levels, we ought to maintain a traditional "Right of Participation," allowing a voting representation in reasonable proportion to the responsibility that each must discharge.

There is a spiritual reason for the “Right of Participation.” All of us desire to belong. In AA, no members are “second class.” The “Right of Participation” (during voting in the service boards) therefore reinforces Tradition 2, that no member is placed in “ultimate authority” over another.

Al-Anon: Participation is based on mutual respect and gives us the courage to speak when appropriate, the maturity to be silent when needed, and the detachment to listen to other points of view without judgment. 

Five: Throughout our structure, a traditional "Right of Appeal" ought to prevail, so that minority opinion will be heard and personal grievances receive careful consideration.

The presiding officer makes sure the minority has a second opportunity to present its views even after extensive debate on an issue, followed by a vote in which a “substantial unanimity” is reached: Those opposed are polled individually to see if they wish to speak further to their minority view. And any person in the service structure can petition for redress of a personal grievance directly to the General Service Board, without prejudice or fear of reprisal.

Al-Anon: All opinions must be heard in order to have an informed group conscience (and mutual respect).

Six: The Conference recognizes that the chief initiative and active responsibility in most world service matters should be exercised by the trustee members of the Conference acting as the General Service Board.

The trustees have the legal and practical responsibility for the operation of A.A. World Services. Although “our objective is always a spiritual one,” nevertheless our world service is a “large business operation” (involving millions of dollars annually and so on).

Al-Anon: This concept builds on the principles of delegation, authority, and responsibility found in the earlier concepts. No one person can do all things necessary in a relationship or entity. As we work together, we develop some level of trust in others (and ourselves). We also learn to link the responsibility of the job with authority to do it.

Resting Under My Laurels

 And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol.  For by this time sanity will have returned.  That is how we react as long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

 It is easy to let up on the spiritual program and rest on our laurels.  We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.  We are not cured of alcoholism.  What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

'Thy will (not mine) be done.'  We can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish.  It is the proper use of the will.

All of this can be found on pages 84 - 85 of the Big Book.  I totally agree with all of it.  Except maybe for the "sanity will have returned" phrase.  I think my sanity is lurking in the neighborhood - "returned" may be pushing it a bit.  I'm also intrigued by the phrase "resting on our laurels."  A laurel is a shrubbery which used to be shaped into a crown and put on someone's head as an award for winning something; maybe a spelling bee or a flyweight bout of Greco-Roman wrestling.  How this got changed to "resting on" is perplexing.  What do you do - take the crown off and then squat on it?  I would change the phrase to "resting under your laurel."  I doubt anyone wore multiple laurels.  One laurel.  That's it.  That's all you get.

I like the references in our books to using willpower properly.  I think some of us believe that we completely lose our will and our willpower is useless.

I heard this referenced this morning: the difference between a "moment of clarity" and a "spiritual experience."  It was a nice turn of a phrase.  The guy speaking believed that the spiritual experience occurs after we've worked The Steps.  Maybe because the 12th Step - our last Step, by the way - says "Having had a spiritual experience as THE result of these Steps . . . "  Realizing that I was a drunken souse was no experience - it was an awakening.

I know this: no one argued with me when I starting admitting that I was an alcoholic.

During our last blow-out business meeting we had a brand new woman sit in.  She's still coming to meetings.  If you can survive an A.A. business meeting then you're officially IN.

Neat and Tidy Is Nice

Wal-Mart to pick up a few items.  I'm not sure this is a better choice than Amazon - both of them being huge, soulless, monstrosities - but at least this way I'm helping employ a local or two.  The guy who was running the check-out lane was energetic and outgoing, engaging all of the customers coming down his aisle.  He wished the woman in front of me a Merry Christmas, then turned to me and made a comment along the lines that it may be a little harder this year than others.  He wasn't bitching or being negative - it was more of a wry observation.

I enjoy talking to people I'm never going to see again for short periods of time - anything beyond that tries my patience.  After a few pleasantries and non-specific ramblings I asked: "So . . . they giving you enough hours?"

Floodgates and, again, not in the manner of someone airing a grievance.

"No," he said.  "Not even close.  Maybe 30 hours a week.  At $13-something an hour that's not enough for me to live on."

Apparently he's staying (if by "staying" you mean "living") in a residential hotel with his wife and two children.  Numbers guy that I am I clicked my mental abacus: 30 X 13 = $390 a week . . . before taxes.  I live in an incredibly expensive state where I doubt you could rent a one bedroom apartment for $1500 a month let alone pay all of your other bills.  This dude is thinking of leaving for a much less expensive state.  I wager he won't like the weather and the terrain and the general vibe as much there but hopefully he'll be able to enjoy a semi-middle class lifestyle (if by "semi-middle class lifestyle" you mean "a dwelling AND food AND a car").

I don't want this to be a economics lesson but rather a reminder than when I talk to new people I learn new lessons.  Is this guy more interested in staunching the spread of CoVid or is he more interested in having society open up so that he can work more hours and pay his bills?  Not an easy choice for someone living on the margin.  I'm reminded of the old bromide "money isn't that important unless you don't have any."

Our neighbor's son is a policeman.  He was sharing yesterday that a lot of his fellow cops have gotten sick (no deaths to this point, thank god) and that he's seen a big uptick in suicides over the last few months (partly due to the holidays where more despondent people kill themselves than during any other time of the year) and that he has three school age children who are at home, understandably bored and frustrated and lonely.

So what's the answer to all this?  Not neat and tidy, is it?

A Waning Resentment

Hypocrite: A person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. 

OK, last post bitching about the latest business meeting . . .   OK, could be the penultimate post . . .  Might be the last post in a concluding tranche of bitching posts . . . Or possibly I'll keep on bitching until I'm lying on my death bed in swaddling clothes.  I'll motion everyone closer and croak out in a hoarse whisper: "Rosebud."  No, wait, that's from an Orson Welles film . . . I'll say: "Business Meeting" and then die.  A murmur will go up in the room, no doubt crowded beyond fire department regulations (this will, of course, be post-CoVid so my death can be properly celebrated . . . errr . . . mourned while not breaking any of the regulations I'm currently bitching about): "Business meeting.  Business meeting?  What can that possible mean?"

Our state and our county has instituted a complete shut-down because of an alarming rise in the number of CoVid cases and a worrisome trend of fewer and fewer ICU beds.  Here's the verbatim notice from the state website: They (referring to the regulations) prohibit private gatherings of any size, close sector operations except for critical infrastructure and retail, and require 100% masking and physical distancing in all others.

From what I can tell the anti-maskers at the live meeting are continuing to meet.  They might be paying lip service to masking up and socially distancing but they sure as hell are continuing to gather.  The state reg is unequivocal.  It brooks no re-interpretation.  I'm assuming you could petition the appropriate regulator for an exemption if you wanted to keep holding a meeting but I doubt this has been done or the meeters would self-righteously crow about that, too.  And I know because I'm a self-righteous crowing jackdaw myself.  I know about the Better Than You philosophy.

I will state for the record that I have managed to successfully move past a sense of serious grievance here while managing to hold onto some information that may help me be successfully self-righteous down the road.  My opinion is that you are rule-follower or you are not.  My opinion is that it's bullshit to follow and enforce rules you think are wise and ignore those that you think are not.  I, personally, am not a huge rules guy.  My saving grace, if such a thing exists, is that I don't often complain when someone breaks the rules.  I avoid hypocrisy so that I may sleep well at night.

Here's my self-righteous point self-righteously made: some of the people who are meeting in-person, breaking the rules, rules they think aren't good ones, are quite strident when someone else breaks a rule that they think is a good one. C'mon, man, give me a break.

I have this information stored in my mental 12-Gauge shotgun and the safety is off.  I will break my Vow of Silence the next time one of these hypocrites complains about a rule-breaker.

Self-Righteous: Confident of one's own righteousness, especially when smugly moralistic and intolerant of the opinions and behavior of others.

See?  Can't you tell I'm over my resentment?  Aren't you happy for me?  Aren't you impressed with me?  Good, because I'm awfully, awfully impressed with myself.

Where is the 13th Tradition?

"Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities."  Tradition Twelve, which is the Twelfth Tradition.  It comes immediately after the Eleventh Tradition but because it's the last Tradition there are no Traditions to follow it.  It is, therefore, the Concluding Tradition.  You may ask: "Because it finished the Traditions should we assume that it's the most important Tradition?"

Don't assume anything. 

Anonymity -  Without any name acknowledged of a person responsible.

Many think (if by "many" you mean "I") that this Tradition is more important for newcomers than for old-timers.  After a while we become less concerned about what other people think of us.  I was perfectly fine rolling in at 3 AM with Sabbath cranking out of my open car windows, open whatever the weather because I needed to stay awake, and then parking either halfway up the front yard or 6 feet from the curb, but god forbid anyone should find out I had a drinking problem!   "Clearly every A.A. member's name - and story, too - had to be confidential, if he wished.  This was our first lesson in the practical application of anonymity."

Many others think (etc, etc, etc) that it's more important to protect The Fellowship than to protect the individual.  If someone who is known to the public credits A.A. for his/her sobriety and then relapses in a public way we're worried that this might give someone pondering our Fellowship an excuse to stay away.  "We simply couldn't afford to take the chance of letting self-appointed members present themselves as messiahs representing A.A. before the whole public.  If even one publicly got drunk, or was lured into using A.A.'s name for his own purposes, the damage might be irreparable."

Equality: The same in all respects.  (Ed. Note: Beautiful.  Short and simple.  No extra words, no wasted motion.)

"Moved  by the spirit of anonymity, we try to give up our natural desires for personal distinction as A. A. members both among fellow alcoholics and before the general public."

I'm not any more important than anyone else.

OUCH.

$20

 Here's a little tale, one that happened over several days but a tale that I'm going to combine into one day because it makes for a better story while painting an even more positive story about me, Little Stevie Seaweed.  I think I've dabbled these incidents out in drips and drabs already but they made such a big, positive impact on me, Little Stevie Seaweed, that I'm going to repeat them.  Plus, I have nothing new on which to pontificate.

In my Quiet Time I have a written and spoken Gratitude List.  One of the things that I'm extremely grateful for is that I'm no longer living on the edge financially.  When I got sober I had approximately no money, a 20 year old Plymouth Belvedere station wagon my granddad had given me, and I was living in my parent's house, rent free, sleeping in my childhood bedroom.  Today this is not the case.  I ask my higher power to help me be a good financial steward of the resources I have, being neither stingy or extravaganza, both conditions detailed in The Big Book as typical alcoholic behavior.

So a few weeks ago I stuffed some bills in my wallet with the intent of handing them out.  One of the consequences of the pandemic is that there are tons of hard-working, honest citizens who are struggling financially through no fault of their own.  As I often say when being generous with money . . . ummm, trying to be generous with money . . . is that the value of the bills was less than I could comfortably afford but more than I wanted to part with.  (OK, OK, $20 bills.  Happy?) 

My first stop was to drop off SuperK's car to get the oil changed.  (Ed. Note: This makes me a saint.  I should point out she spent the morning doing laundry.  Of course no advantage accrues for her contribution, in my opinion.  If I do something nice it's a big deal but if you do something nice you're simply fulfilling an obligation to me, Little Stevie Seaweed.  Funny how that works, especially since all I did was drop off the car and walk to a coffee shop for a face-to-face meeting (socially distanced and outside, of course) with a sponsee.    

On the way to get coffee I swung by my donut shop (you know you eat too many donuts when you have a donut shop).  The immigrant owner of the shop always says good morning and then loads a sack with my regular order (you know you eat way too many donuts when the owner of your regular donut shop has your order memorized).

(Ed. Note: A really weird digression: I looked up "donut" to check the correct spelling and a Google search informed me that a donut emoji can stand in for a butthole and indicts a possible interest in anal sex.  I am not making that up - it was pretty high up on the search algorithm, too.  I am also unhappy I looked up donut.)

The cost of the donuts is $2.20.  I always give her $3 and often $5 but today I said "Merry Christmas, "handed her one of the $20's and stepped into the doorway.  I believe she thought this was a general "Merry Christmas" and not a "you're getting a pretty big tip Merry Christmas" because she opened the cash register and got $17.80 of change out of the till.  She turned around, saw me in the door with a big smile on my face and another "Merry Christmas" on my lips, watched me head on down the road.  She looked surprised.  I don't think she said anything.

Then, at the coffee shop, where Everyone Knows My Name and where Everyone Knows My Order (you know you drink too much coffee when the baristas at your regular coffee shop just ring up your order without asking what you want), I slapped down another $20 and said: "That's good."  "Really?  Are you sure?" the young woman asked.  "Thank you.  Thanks from all of us."

At this point I'm flying high, feeling pretty good about myself, not yet regretting that I just paid $40 for $6 worth of products, only slightly miffed that the barista wasn't quite as effusive in her praise as she could have been thereby discounting my incredible generous tip, strolling back into the auto repair shop like I'm the second coming of King Shit.  I really like this small, individually owned mechanic.  The people are great.  In my opinion a good, honest auto mechanic is more important than a cardiologist.  I think I could catch a lying cardiologist in a lie but a lying auto mechanic has me by the balls.

As I pay for the work I ask if I can speak to the mechanic.  Sure.  They bring this kid out who looks like he's about 14 - one of the ways you can tell that you're getting old is that everyone under 35 looks like they're in middle school.  I hand him a bill.  He breaks into a big smile.  "You thought you were in trouble, didn't you?" I ask.  "Usually the case when the client asks to see me," he replied.  I slip into the restroom before I leave and when I walk back into the reception area the three service techs and the owner are all standing there.  They wanted to show me that the kid who worked on my car had been featured in the last flyer they mailed out.  Everyone was noticeably pleased.  There was just this great electricity, this great energy in the room.  

For $20.  Whew.