Problem: A difficulty that has to be resolved or dealt with.
I had another long conversation with The Internal Revenue Service today. I capitalized "The" because I don't want anyone to think I was talking to "the" Internal Revenue Service or - worse yet - "A" Internal Revenue Service. This was the big one, the real deal, the I. R. of S. This was no faux IRS.
As a general observation I have to say that both conversations have been . . . not unpleasant. The two women I've talked to have been personable and polite, eager to help, pleased when they've been able to reduce my tax liability. I go out of my way to be kind to these civil servants. They're not the IRS - they work for the IRS - and it's not their fault that I fucked up my taxes. Why would I give them a hard time? Hardly seems fair.
Anyway, I've managed to whittle the tax bill down to about half of the original amount. Because the number is greater than zero it's still too much but at this point I think it's accurate; i.e., I owe this amount. Again, part of the problem was that I figured my taxes incorrectly and part of the problem was that the IRS calculated the bill incorrectly simply because they didn't have the correct information.
At the meeting today we talked about dealing with problems. Ha.
I know that when I first opened the original letter and saw that huge figure I was frightened, so I did what any self-respecting, red-blooded male would do: I got angry. I started pulling out tax documents and forms and papers, rustling them around, searching incoherently, darting this way and feinting that, with no plan or purpose, looking for facts that would allow me to weasel out of this amount. After a few minutes I did what I usually do - went out, sat in the sun for ten minutes, and calmed the fuck down. Step two was to imagine the worst possible outcome - that I owed the full amount, no matter how implausible and unlikely this would be, and sit with that possibility for a minute. When I realized that I would still be alive if this were the case then - and only then - am I able to move ahead in a coherent fashion.
Once I told my sponsor about a horrible possibility. He asked me what was the worst thing that could happen. After I told him he asked: "And what then?"
It was a good question.
Friday, May 31, 2019
Thursday, May 30, 2019
Kill That Bush!
Adze: A cutting tool that has a curved blade set at a right angle to the handle and is used for shaping wood.
Pickaxe: A heavy iron tool with a wooden handle; one end of the head is pointed, one has a chiseled edge.
Mattock: An agricultural tool whose blades are at right angle to the body, similar to a pickaxe.
I wonder if there is anything else in the world that is "similar to a pickaxe?" Would would something diametrically opposed to a pickaxe be?
Three young men were working for a landscape company one summer to earn money for school or maybe for beer. It was hard manual labor, dull in every aspect, but they were young men, easily amused and able to labor in the heat and humidity with lots of bitching but little real complaint. Also, very little money but beer money, anyway.
One day they were given the task of removing some unwanted shrubbery. Bored, they devised a game to make the task more enjoyable. A physical competition, really, a game of strength, common among young men. They decided to call the game Kill That Bush. The rules to Kill That Bush were very simple: Killing the bush in question in under a predetermined number of strikes using a non-power tool of one's choosing.
A match would proceed like this . . .
They young men would ponder the bush, examining it from different angles, speculating on the depth and strength of its roots, eyeing its size.
Young man #1: "I can kill that bush in five swings."
Young man #2: "I can kill that bush in four swings."
Young man #3: "I can kill that bush in three swings."
Young man #1 (screaming): "Kill that bush!!"
At this point young man #3 would have to remove the shrubbery in three swings. Sometimes he could do it and sometimes he couldn't. I suppose there was a payoff to the competition - beer or dope or something - but that isn't important at this point.
In one contest the bidding got all the way down to two swings before the others deferred. It wasn't a very big bush but killing it in two swings is pretty righteous. The young men pondered the bush.
"Adze?" one of them asked.
"An adze is a woodworking tool," one of them answered.
"I think a pickaxe," another remarked.
"Sure, a pickaxe," came the reply. "But why not the mattock?"
This suggestion - being a good one - was met with general approval and was duly adopted. The young man circled the bush, calculating angles and root placement, speculating, figuring. His first swing was a mighty one, separating most of the roots from the bush and nearly lifting it out of the ground. There were shouts of admiration, speculation that two swings - almost a hole in one - might be enough. Sure enough, his second swing lifted the bush out of the ground. He held the mattock high in the air for a long moment, then flipped it away. Babe Ruth admiring the flight of a home run, bat in hand, strolling toward first base, before dropping his stick.
"It's over, it's over!" shrieked the young men.
Pickaxe: A heavy iron tool with a wooden handle; one end of the head is pointed, one has a chiseled edge.
Mattock: An agricultural tool whose blades are at right angle to the body, similar to a pickaxe.
I wonder if there is anything else in the world that is "similar to a pickaxe?" Would would something diametrically opposed to a pickaxe be?
Three young men were working for a landscape company one summer to earn money for school or maybe for beer. It was hard manual labor, dull in every aspect, but they were young men, easily amused and able to labor in the heat and humidity with lots of bitching but little real complaint. Also, very little money but beer money, anyway.
One day they were given the task of removing some unwanted shrubbery. Bored, they devised a game to make the task more enjoyable. A physical competition, really, a game of strength, common among young men. They decided to call the game Kill That Bush. The rules to Kill That Bush were very simple: Killing the bush in question in under a predetermined number of strikes using a non-power tool of one's choosing.
A match would proceed like this . . .
They young men would ponder the bush, examining it from different angles, speculating on the depth and strength of its roots, eyeing its size.
Young man #1: "I can kill that bush in five swings."
Young man #2: "I can kill that bush in four swings."
Young man #3: "I can kill that bush in three swings."
Young man #1 (screaming): "Kill that bush!!"
At this point young man #3 would have to remove the shrubbery in three swings. Sometimes he could do it and sometimes he couldn't. I suppose there was a payoff to the competition - beer or dope or something - but that isn't important at this point.
In one contest the bidding got all the way down to two swings before the others deferred. It wasn't a very big bush but killing it in two swings is pretty righteous. The young men pondered the bush.
"Adze?" one of them asked.
"An adze is a woodworking tool," one of them answered.
"I think a pickaxe," another remarked.
"Sure, a pickaxe," came the reply. "But why not the mattock?"
This suggestion - being a good one - was met with general approval and was duly adopted. The young man circled the bush, calculating angles and root placement, speculating, figuring. His first swing was a mighty one, separating most of the roots from the bush and nearly lifting it out of the ground. There were shouts of admiration, speculation that two swings - almost a hole in one - might be enough. Sure enough, his second swing lifted the bush out of the ground. He held the mattock high in the air for a long moment, then flipped it away. Babe Ruth admiring the flight of a home run, bat in hand, strolling toward first base, before dropping his stick.
"It's over, it's over!" shrieked the young men.
Peaceful Asshole
"From beginningless time we have had a valid awareness, or consciousness, of 'I.' This 'I,' or self, naturally and innately wants happiness and does not want suffering, and this desire is valid - it is true and reasonable. Consequently, all of us have the right to achieve happiness and banish suffering." The Dali Lama
"Boy, I think about myself a lot. A lot." Little Stevie Seaweed.
"Of course, you do." The Dali Lama (Hypothetical projection. The Dali Lama has not given me this advice directly.)
I really like the idea that the first step in an effective meditation practice is developing a just and admirable morality. And don't try to trap me in a circular loop of semantic bullshit about the true nature of morality. Be nice. Don't be an asshole. Don't hate. Love. Be kind. It's not complicated. The point being that if I don't live a moral life, a kind, caring life, then all of the meditation contained in the universe isn't going to help me achieve a freedom from the endless cycle of trying to avoid suffering and trying to obtain pleasure.
I can't be a peaceful asshole. It's hard enough to be peaceful as it is.
"Boy, I think about myself a lot. A lot." Little Stevie Seaweed.
"Of course, you do." The Dali Lama (Hypothetical projection. The Dali Lama has not given me this advice directly.)
I really like the idea that the first step in an effective meditation practice is developing a just and admirable morality. And don't try to trap me in a circular loop of semantic bullshit about the true nature of morality. Be nice. Don't be an asshole. Don't hate. Love. Be kind. It's not complicated. The point being that if I don't live a moral life, a kind, caring life, then all of the meditation contained in the universe isn't going to help me achieve a freedom from the endless cycle of trying to avoid suffering and trying to obtain pleasure.
I can't be a peaceful asshole. It's hard enough to be peaceful as it is.
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
An Afflictive Boil on My Ass
Afflictive: That causes physical or mental pain.
"Oh, it's not the physical pain I'm worried about. I can handle the physical pain. It's the mental pain that would kill me. They'd take me off there in a body bag." Little Westside Jonny, adamant that he wouldn't survive a night on a little, tiny island in the middle of a boggy lake in the middle of the Amazon. (I was just as adamant that I could do it. But then again I've always been a liar.)
The Buddha says that the third type of suffering that can torment us - after outright pain and the cessation of pleasure - is of the afflictive variety. Discovering the three sources of our suffering is The Second Noble Truth - here we learn that afflictive emotions contaminate our behavior in two distinct ways, one that needs to be expressed and one that is best left unsaid. An example of the former would be revealing a painful episode in your past that makes you wary of close personal relationships. An example of the latter would be walking up to a friend and saying: "Your girlfriend is hot - I'd like to sleep with her" or maybe mentioning to an irritant in your morning meeting: "Your are a boil on my ass."
Neither of these need to be said irregardless of how much you would like to say them.
"Oh, it's not the physical pain I'm worried about. I can handle the physical pain. It's the mental pain that would kill me. They'd take me off there in a body bag." Little Westside Jonny, adamant that he wouldn't survive a night on a little, tiny island in the middle of a boggy lake in the middle of the Amazon. (I was just as adamant that I could do it. But then again I've always been a liar.)
The Buddha says that the third type of suffering that can torment us - after outright pain and the cessation of pleasure - is of the afflictive variety. Discovering the three sources of our suffering is The Second Noble Truth - here we learn that afflictive emotions contaminate our behavior in two distinct ways, one that needs to be expressed and one that is best left unsaid. An example of the former would be revealing a painful episode in your past that makes you wary of close personal relationships. An example of the latter would be walking up to a friend and saying: "Your girlfriend is hot - I'd like to sleep with her" or maybe mentioning to an irritant in your morning meeting: "Your are a boil on my ass."
Neither of these need to be said irregardless of how much you would like to say them.
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
Grate. On. My. Nerves.
"At the beginning of our life is birth, during which we suffer, and at the end of our life is death, during which we also suffer. (Ed. Note: Goddammit, another Catch-22.) Between these two come aging and illness. (Ed. Note: Shit, it just keeps getting worse.) No matter how wealthy you are or how physically fit you are, you have to suffer through these circumstances. (Ed. Note: I don't believe it - I think there's a loophole here somewhere. The 'No Pain' loophole' which is quite a loophole. I just have to look harder.) " The Dali Lama
Boy, this Dali Lama character is really starting to grate on my nerves.
"On top of this comes discontentment. You want more and more and more. This, in a sense, is real poverty - always to be hungry, hungry, hungry with no time to be satisfied. Others might not be rich, but contentment provides them with fewer worries, fewer enemies, fewer problems, and very good sleep." The Fucking Dali Lama
I attended a high school that was full of very wealthy kids. And for some of them I really mean very wealthy. Not a car on their sixteenth birthday but a new car, a new sports car. The funny thing is that they were no happier than the families who lived on my very ordinary middle class street.
"Human beings act like machines whose function is to make money. This is absolutely wrong. The purpose of making money is the happiness of humankind, not the other way round. Humans are not for money, money is for humans. We need enough to live, so money is necessary, but we also need to realize that if there is too much attachment to wealth, it does no help at all. As the saints of India and Tibet tell us, the wealthier one becomes, the more suffering one endures." Guess Who?
Boy, this Dali Lama character is really starting to grate on my nerves.
"On top of this comes discontentment. You want more and more and more. This, in a sense, is real poverty - always to be hungry, hungry, hungry with no time to be satisfied. Others might not be rich, but contentment provides them with fewer worries, fewer enemies, fewer problems, and very good sleep." The Fucking Dali Lama
I attended a high school that was full of very wealthy kids. And for some of them I really mean very wealthy. Not a car on their sixteenth birthday but a new car, a new sports car. The funny thing is that they were no happier than the families who lived on my very ordinary middle class street.
"Human beings act like machines whose function is to make money. This is absolutely wrong. The purpose of making money is the happiness of humankind, not the other way round. Humans are not for money, money is for humans. We need enough to live, so money is necessary, but we also need to realize that if there is too much attachment to wealth, it does no help at all. As the saints of India and Tibet tell us, the wealthier one becomes, the more suffering one endures." Guess Who?
Monday, May 27, 2019
Bias, Baby
"Among the most destructive effects that appear later in the behavioral economics library are these:
The Bystander Effect, or our tendency to wait for others to act rather than acting ourselves. Confirmation Bias, by which we seek evidence for what we already understand to be true, such as the promise that . . . life will endure, rather than endure the cognitive pain of reconceptualizing our world.
The Default Effect, or tendency to choose the present option over alternatives, which is related to . . .
The Status Quo Bias, or preference for things as they are, however bad that is.
The Endowment Effect, or instinct to demand more to give up something we have than we actually value it (or had paid to acquire or establish it).
We have an illusion of control, the behavioral economists tell us, and also suffer from overconfidence and an optimism bias. We also have a Pessimism Bias, not that it compensates - instead it pushes us to see challenges as predetermined defeats and to hear alarm . . . as cries of fatalism. The opposite of a cognitive bias, in other words, is not clear thinking but another cognitive bias. We can’t see anything but through cataracts of self-deception."
This information comes from a book that's discussing a societal issue that many think is important but which has gained very little traction politically. It's funny how all of these biases can easily be applied to the alcoholic who is still drinking . . .
The Bystander Effect, or our tendency to wait for others to act rather than acting ourselves. Confirmation Bias, by which we seek evidence for what we already understand to be true, such as the promise that . . . life will endure, rather than endure the cognitive pain of reconceptualizing our world.
The Default Effect, or tendency to choose the present option over alternatives, which is related to . . .
The Status Quo Bias, or preference for things as they are, however bad that is.
The Endowment Effect, or instinct to demand more to give up something we have than we actually value it (or had paid to acquire or establish it).
We have an illusion of control, the behavioral economists tell us, and also suffer from overconfidence and an optimism bias. We also have a Pessimism Bias, not that it compensates - instead it pushes us to see challenges as predetermined defeats and to hear alarm . . . as cries of fatalism. The opposite of a cognitive bias, in other words, is not clear thinking but another cognitive bias. We can’t see anything but through cataracts of self-deception."
This information comes from a book that's discussing a societal issue that many think is important but which has gained very little traction politically. It's funny how all of these biases can easily be applied to the alcoholic who is still drinking . . .
Sunday, May 26, 2019
Attraction Rather Than Promotion
"He is definitely informed that he is not interviewing an evangelist, so that whether he wants to stop drinking or not is most decidedly his own business. There is not the slightest desire or even willingness on my part to settle anybody's moral problems for them. If a person thinks he can drink, let him continue to do so. He may be right, and at any rate it is his own concern, whether he is or not."
"Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion . . . " Alcoholics Anonymous Third Tradition
Attract: To pull toward without touching; to arouse interest.
Promote: To advocate or urge on behalf of something; to attempt to popularize or sell by means of . . . publicity.
Whether you're an alcoholic or not is totally up to you. Whether you want to try The Twelve Steps is entirely up to you. We're not making anything from this Program, other than staying sober in an attempt to pass on some ideas that helped us a lot. We wish the best for you in all your endeavors - if you think these ideas will help then we'll help you give it a try. If not, that's cool today. Go do your own thing. Millions of people who have chosen to stop drinking have done so without our help.
"Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion . . . " Alcoholics Anonymous Third Tradition
Attract: To pull toward without touching; to arouse interest.
Promote: To advocate or urge on behalf of something; to attempt to popularize or sell by means of . . . publicity.
Whether you're an alcoholic or not is totally up to you. Whether you want to try The Twelve Steps is entirely up to you. We're not making anything from this Program, other than staying sober in an attempt to pass on some ideas that helped us a lot. We wish the best for you in all your endeavors - if you think these ideas will help then we'll help you give it a try. If not, that's cool today. Go do your own thing. Millions of people who have chosen to stop drinking have done so without our help.
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