A man who is on the wagon may be sober physically, but mentally he may be as alcohol-minded as if he were drunk.
It does little good for a man to endeavor to eliminate his habit until he considers it a sound, sensible, and desirable thing to do; something he would like to accomplish for his own sake; however difficult it may seem. Incidentally for a man who is willing to buckle down to work the "difficulty" is always exaggerated in the beginning . . .
The negative thoughts must be stopped, but the subject must not be repressed or even dropped from consciousness until it has been pursued to its logical conclusion with as many positive thoughts as possible. Negative thoughts, given the chance, arise all to swiftly. For emphasis I repeat: It is of supreme importance that positive thinking be employed whenever the subject comes up . . .
As soon as the intellectual control is shaken at all, and it takes very little to shake it, his emotions immediately take control, which is almost the same as saying alcohol takes charge. While in this condition he wants happiness and relaxation, and he wants them as soon as he can get them.
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
Refund, Baby
So now that I've inflated my own ego balloon let's take a more in-depth look at my behavior. My thinking is pristine, my intentions faultless, my goals unassailable. My actions? Meh, don't look too close.
On our cruise I received a $500 ship credit if by "credit" you mean "I paid an extra $500 that was buried somewhere else in my fare." Before we left on the cruise I booked a few shore excursions - guided hikes, mostly, for two city people who had absolutely no intention of wandering off into the Alaskan wilderness on trails that featured large signs at the trail head detailing what to do during a bear attack. Most of them mentioned moose as well, astonishingly large animals - second in size on the North American continent only to a bison, whatever the fuck that is - that can weigh close to 1500 lbs when fully dressed. There was the occasional wolf reference as well. I was a little afraid of the salmon so you can imagine the trepidation I felt considering a Seaweed-To-Beast confrontation with one of those other animals, toothy mammals, all.
Anyway, I booked these hikes and paid for them to ensure that we were guaranteed spots. It is possible that there was some way to apply the shipboard credit to the bill but I didn't see it. So once we were on the ship we spoke to some scrivener about applying the credit. No problem. I didn't believe this particular scrivener, being a paranoid cynic, so a few days later I snuck back down when he wasn't on duty and spoke to a lady scrivener. She called up my account and confirmed the refund.
"$667 will be applied to your account," she said.
I didn't quibble with her. I had no objection to that number. I was keen to see that the number wasn't lower. Higher was fine with me. I didn't believe either of these people, anyway. Since we were in Canada at that point I surmised that the refund was being applied in Canadian dollars.
When I got home there is was: $667 in good, old American dollars, taken right off my bill.
So, gentle readers, do I call attention to this?
Hmmmmm.
On our cruise I received a $500 ship credit if by "credit" you mean "I paid an extra $500 that was buried somewhere else in my fare." Before we left on the cruise I booked a few shore excursions - guided hikes, mostly, for two city people who had absolutely no intention of wandering off into the Alaskan wilderness on trails that featured large signs at the trail head detailing what to do during a bear attack. Most of them mentioned moose as well, astonishingly large animals - second in size on the North American continent only to a bison, whatever the fuck that is - that can weigh close to 1500 lbs when fully dressed. There was the occasional wolf reference as well. I was a little afraid of the salmon so you can imagine the trepidation I felt considering a Seaweed-To-Beast confrontation with one of those other animals, toothy mammals, all.
Anyway, I booked these hikes and paid for them to ensure that we were guaranteed spots. It is possible that there was some way to apply the shipboard credit to the bill but I didn't see it. So once we were on the ship we spoke to some scrivener about applying the credit. No problem. I didn't believe this particular scrivener, being a paranoid cynic, so a few days later I snuck back down when he wasn't on duty and spoke to a lady scrivener. She called up my account and confirmed the refund.
"$667 will be applied to your account," she said.
I didn't quibble with her. I had no objection to that number. I was keen to see that the number wasn't lower. Higher was fine with me. I didn't believe either of these people, anyway. Since we were in Canada at that point I surmised that the refund was being applied in Canadian dollars.
When I got home there is was: $667 in good, old American dollars, taken right off my bill.
So, gentle readers, do I call attention to this?
Hmmmmm.
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Money . . . That's What I want.
Control: To dictate the behavior of (verb); influence or authority over something (noun).
I've been pondering this phenomenon of holding onto things. The more tightly I grip them the more power they have over me. The problem, as we all know, is that if I don't hold them tightly then I might lose my grip. I might lose control. Yet when I'm hanging on tightly I've already lost control.
See how frustrating this is? There is so much shit in my recovery that is frustrating like this.
Money is a particularly irritating subject in regards to control. I take great pains to point out that I'm no longer in the position where I'm living on the edge financially - I spent a ton of time in this position and I know many of us come into The Rooms in this position - so please take this story with a grain of salt . . .
This cruise we were on was a higher end cruise. I got a great deal on it at the last minute. I am, after all, my mother's son. On the only other cruise we took the tips to the staff were not included - which was pretty irritating - but on this one they were - which was also pretty irritating. I think the cruise lines should just pay their people well but there you go . . .
We took some guided hikes on the trip at various ports and they were led by local guides. On each one of these hikes (less one because the guides sucked) I tipped the guide $20. For two people. On hikes that lasted as long as seven hours. I felt a little guilty about being so parsimonious until I realized I was the only person tipping anything. I'm pretty sure there were a lot of wealthy people on the ship. I'm pretty sure they could have afforded $20. On the longest hike the young guy in charge was a high school teacher with 5 kids who was supplementing his income over the summer. He couldn't have been making very much money.
Now maybe the other guests assumed that because tips were included for the ship's staff that they were also included for the tour guides. That is so stupid it makes me laugh as I write it but I'm trying to be generous here. The point I'm trying to make is that the $100 or so I tipped (and I'm rounding up, of course) has not changed my life but I think it was appreciated by the guides.
I let loose of some of the money that I grasp so tightly and it set me free.
I've been pondering this phenomenon of holding onto things. The more tightly I grip them the more power they have over me. The problem, as we all know, is that if I don't hold them tightly then I might lose my grip. I might lose control. Yet when I'm hanging on tightly I've already lost control.
See how frustrating this is? There is so much shit in my recovery that is frustrating like this.
Money is a particularly irritating subject in regards to control. I take great pains to point out that I'm no longer in the position where I'm living on the edge financially - I spent a ton of time in this position and I know many of us come into The Rooms in this position - so please take this story with a grain of salt . . .
This cruise we were on was a higher end cruise. I got a great deal on it at the last minute. I am, after all, my mother's son. On the only other cruise we took the tips to the staff were not included - which was pretty irritating - but on this one they were - which was also pretty irritating. I think the cruise lines should just pay their people well but there you go . . .
We took some guided hikes on the trip at various ports and they were led by local guides. On each one of these hikes (less one because the guides sucked) I tipped the guide $20. For two people. On hikes that lasted as long as seven hours. I felt a little guilty about being so parsimonious until I realized I was the only person tipping anything. I'm pretty sure there were a lot of wealthy people on the ship. I'm pretty sure they could have afforded $20. On the longest hike the young guy in charge was a high school teacher with 5 kids who was supplementing his income over the summer. He couldn't have been making very much money.
Now maybe the other guests assumed that because tips were included for the ship's staff that they were also included for the tour guides. That is so stupid it makes me laugh as I write it but I'm trying to be generous here. The point I'm trying to make is that the $100 or so I tipped (and I'm rounding up, of course) has not changed my life but I think it was appreciated by the guides.
I let loose of some of the money that I grasp so tightly and it set me free.
Friday, September 20, 2019
Big Nine
Peace: A state free of oppressive or unpleasant thoughts and emotions; a state of tranquility, quiet, and harmony.
We discussed the 9th Step in today's meeting - the amends process. I remind myself that the payoff of these often-difficult and much-feared amends is that The Promises begin to assert themselves with vigor.
"What's the payoff?" alcoholics ask themselves. We don't do anything unless there's a benefit, especially not anything hard.
Peace of mind. That's the payoff, and that's a really large payoff. What gives us more peace of mind than peace of mind? My schtick about the 9th Step includes the assertion that I'm at peace with everyone in the world. There isn't a person alive that I feel the need to avoid because of anything I've done or said in the past (Ed. Note: There are some people I avoid to avoid the irriation that their presence brings me). And I'm pretty much at peace with the world's institutions as well. That doesn't mean I welcome the odd letter from the IRS or the County Elections Board summoning me to jury duty but it does mean I'm not afraid that something in my past needs to be dealt with.
Good to be done with them, though.
We discussed the 9th Step in today's meeting - the amends process. I remind myself that the payoff of these often-difficult and much-feared amends is that The Promises begin to assert themselves with vigor.
"What's the payoff?" alcoholics ask themselves. We don't do anything unless there's a benefit, especially not anything hard.
Peace of mind. That's the payoff, and that's a really large payoff. What gives us more peace of mind than peace of mind? My schtick about the 9th Step includes the assertion that I'm at peace with everyone in the world. There isn't a person alive that I feel the need to avoid because of anything I've done or said in the past (Ed. Note: There are some people I avoid to avoid the irriation that their presence brings me). And I'm pretty much at peace with the world's institutions as well. That doesn't mean I welcome the odd letter from the IRS or the County Elections Board summoning me to jury duty but it does mean I'm not afraid that something in my past needs to be dealt with.
Good to be done with them, though.
Thursday, September 19, 2019
The Sommelier Vs Us
I just got back from a cruise to Alaska. The alcohol was included in my fare. I know, I know. There was a bottle of champagne on ice when we entered our cabin the first day. Here's a fun fact - I would have put a hurting on that company 32 years ago. I would, to this day, be on some secret Do Not Cruise list. You know how gamblers are banned from casinos if they're caught counting cards? By very large men in black suits and mirrored sunglasses? Those men would have walked into my cabin and tossed me 8 stories into the water. Without comment.
Anyway, it wasn't a problem for either SuperK or me. And we were flabbergasted to walk into a posted Friends of Bill W meeting and find someone there already. We were fully prepared to sit in the card room for a few minutes and then go to dinner. Moreover, eight people showed up - 4 of us with 30 years plus; 2 with over 20; one kook with 14; and a relative newcomer with 2 years. One of the attendees was an employee on the ship with an obligation to host a nightly table in the main restaurant. Because wine service was such an integral part of the experience he had to take a glass of wine, swirl it around, pretend to take a sip, then surreptitiously switch it with a co-worker who knew he was in recovery. Ship management didn't want the guests to feel uncomfortable about drinking or he would have simply stated he was an alcoholic.
So he invited all eight of us to dinner one night, along with an Al-Anon spouse. The first order of business for the restaurant staff was for the sommelier to present to the our host, with a great, somber flourish, the two wine selections for the evening.
"I don't drink," Doug said. "And no one else at the table wants wine, either."
The sommelier gave him a look that we clearly interpreted as "I don't believe you."
"Go ahead," Doug said, with a bemused flourish right back at him.
The man began to describe the red wine. The table was smiles all around. A few of us were giggling. His voice trailed off. He trailed off, to many thanks from all of us.
I caught his eye when he was replacing the bottles of wine.
"Has that ever happened before?" I asked.
"Never," he said. "That has never happened before."
Score one for the home team.
Anyway, it wasn't a problem for either SuperK or me. And we were flabbergasted to walk into a posted Friends of Bill W meeting and find someone there already. We were fully prepared to sit in the card room for a few minutes and then go to dinner. Moreover, eight people showed up - 4 of us with 30 years plus; 2 with over 20; one kook with 14; and a relative newcomer with 2 years. One of the attendees was an employee on the ship with an obligation to host a nightly table in the main restaurant. Because wine service was such an integral part of the experience he had to take a glass of wine, swirl it around, pretend to take a sip, then surreptitiously switch it with a co-worker who knew he was in recovery. Ship management didn't want the guests to feel uncomfortable about drinking or he would have simply stated he was an alcoholic.
So he invited all eight of us to dinner one night, along with an Al-Anon spouse. The first order of business for the restaurant staff was for the sommelier to present to the our host, with a great, somber flourish, the two wine selections for the evening.
"I don't drink," Doug said. "And no one else at the table wants wine, either."
The sommelier gave him a look that we clearly interpreted as "I don't believe you."
"Go ahead," Doug said, with a bemused flourish right back at him.
The man began to describe the red wine. The table was smiles all around. A few of us were giggling. His voice trailed off. He trailed off, to many thanks from all of us.
I caught his eye when he was replacing the bottles of wine.
"Has that ever happened before?" I asked.
"Never," he said. "That has never happened before."
Score one for the home team.
Monday, August 5, 2019
Get In The Habit
Habit: An action performed repeatedly and automatically, usually without awareness.
"The intellectual idea of abstinence is not of itself sufficient. It takes sustained effort to unite the intellectual concept with that consistent form of action which is an expression of automatic attitude rather than a monument to will power.
Whatever may be the theoretical desire and intentions, the old habits do not die as quickly or as easily as one might wish, nor are they dead and buried when one wished them to be so.
The habits of year's standing are not going to quickly pass out of the picture no matter how diligent a man may be in his application of the work. He has to keep directing his mental processes in a formal and definitive manner for at least a year."
"The intellectual idea of abstinence is not of itself sufficient. It takes sustained effort to unite the intellectual concept with that consistent form of action which is an expression of automatic attitude rather than a monument to will power.
Whatever may be the theoretical desire and intentions, the old habits do not die as quickly or as easily as one might wish, nor are they dead and buried when one wished them to be so.
The habits of year's standing are not going to quickly pass out of the picture no matter how diligent a man may be in his application of the work. He has to keep directing his mental processes in a formal and definitive manner for at least a year."
Thursday, July 25, 2019
Tell Me a Story, Seaweed
Analogy: A relationship of resemblance or equivalence between two situations, people, or objects, especially when used as a basis for explanation or extrapolation.
Often when I'm reading our literature I find some of the concepts kind of abstract. "Restraint of tongue and pen," for instance, has a lovely ring to it but what does that mean, exactly? Often a clear light is thrown on the concept when someone tells a story or uses an analogy. For instance, "I was having a minor argument with my wife last week which seemed to be winding down with no consequences when I felt the need to get in the last word and I've been sleeping on the couch ever since" - THAT makes a lot of sense to me. It brings the concept alive. That's some real world shit.
I recently flew back to The Old City for a brief visit. Because my flight arrived late in the day I decided to stay at an airport hotel and then get the trip going in earnest the next morning, clear-headed and well-rested. The one caveat in selecting the hotel was that it provided a shuttle. Unfortunately for me I didn't notice that the shuttle for my pre-paid room only operated until midnight, and my plane arrived around that time. So as soon as I landed I called their front desk and inquired about a pick-up, saying that I didn't want to miss the last shuttle. This was at 11:40.
"Oh, he's made his last stop already," the clerk said.
I was piqued. I was ticked.
"Um, your website said the shuttle ran until midnight," I pointed out with admirable calm.
"Oh, he works until midnight," she replied. "That's when he clocks out. So to clock out at midnight he makes his last run before then."
You know, I'm fine with that logic but you should then indicate that the shuttle runs until 11:30. If I can't get on the shuttle then the shuttle isn't operating. I paused for a second, debating whether or not to explain to her that I didn't give a shit what hours this guy was working - I wanted to know when the shuttle was operating. I'm not with the Department of Labor - I'm the CEO of Stevie Seaweed, LLC. You can work this guy until the blood vessels in his eyes rupture for all I care.
So I said "OK, thank you," and I hung up while she was still . . . you know . . . kind of talking. Technically I didn't lose restraint of my tongue or my pen but it was a jerkish thing to do. It was an unacceptable loop-hole.
I called an Uber which took me to the hotel for $9.80. I would have tipped the shuttle driver $5 so this wasn't a financial thing where I was incensed over the $4.80 bounty I had to pay - it was a Stevie Seaweed, CEO, being inconvenienced, thing.
There's another phrase which reads "when we were wrong promptly admitted it." Not a lot of nuance in this phrase.
When I walked into the hotel I recognized the voice of the woman behind the front desk. I explained that I was the guy who had called about the shuttle and that I wanted to apologize for being short with her. I told her it was rude. I attempted to exploit zero loop-holes. I did not attempt to explain why I was rude; namely, that her website lied to me. I just apologized.
As is my experience in these matters she was gracious. She insisted that I hadn't done anything impolite and, if I had, it could be chalked up to jet lag and a long day of travel. Possibly she was indeed a gracious person or maybe I hadn't behaved badly at all or even that she was being a good customer service representative who didn't take the shit I had dished out personally. Probably all of these apply.
I went to bed with a clear conscience.
Often when I'm reading our literature I find some of the concepts kind of abstract. "Restraint of tongue and pen," for instance, has a lovely ring to it but what does that mean, exactly? Often a clear light is thrown on the concept when someone tells a story or uses an analogy. For instance, "I was having a minor argument with my wife last week which seemed to be winding down with no consequences when I felt the need to get in the last word and I've been sleeping on the couch ever since" - THAT makes a lot of sense to me. It brings the concept alive. That's some real world shit.
I recently flew back to The Old City for a brief visit. Because my flight arrived late in the day I decided to stay at an airport hotel and then get the trip going in earnest the next morning, clear-headed and well-rested. The one caveat in selecting the hotel was that it provided a shuttle. Unfortunately for me I didn't notice that the shuttle for my pre-paid room only operated until midnight, and my plane arrived around that time. So as soon as I landed I called their front desk and inquired about a pick-up, saying that I didn't want to miss the last shuttle. This was at 11:40.
"Oh, he's made his last stop already," the clerk said.
I was piqued. I was ticked.
"Um, your website said the shuttle ran until midnight," I pointed out with admirable calm.
"Oh, he works until midnight," she replied. "That's when he clocks out. So to clock out at midnight he makes his last run before then."
You know, I'm fine with that logic but you should then indicate that the shuttle runs until 11:30. If I can't get on the shuttle then the shuttle isn't operating. I paused for a second, debating whether or not to explain to her that I didn't give a shit what hours this guy was working - I wanted to know when the shuttle was operating. I'm not with the Department of Labor - I'm the CEO of Stevie Seaweed, LLC. You can work this guy until the blood vessels in his eyes rupture for all I care.
So I said "OK, thank you," and I hung up while she was still . . . you know . . . kind of talking. Technically I didn't lose restraint of my tongue or my pen but it was a jerkish thing to do. It was an unacceptable loop-hole.
I called an Uber which took me to the hotel for $9.80. I would have tipped the shuttle driver $5 so this wasn't a financial thing where I was incensed over the $4.80 bounty I had to pay - it was a Stevie Seaweed, CEO, being inconvenienced, thing.
There's another phrase which reads "when we were wrong promptly admitted it." Not a lot of nuance in this phrase.
When I walked into the hotel I recognized the voice of the woman behind the front desk. I explained that I was the guy who had called about the shuttle and that I wanted to apologize for being short with her. I told her it was rude. I attempted to exploit zero loop-holes. I did not attempt to explain why I was rude; namely, that her website lied to me. I just apologized.
As is my experience in these matters she was gracious. She insisted that I hadn't done anything impolite and, if I had, it could be chalked up to jet lag and a long day of travel. Possibly she was indeed a gracious person or maybe I hadn't behaved badly at all or even that she was being a good customer service representative who didn't take the shit I had dished out personally. Probably all of these apply.
I went to bed with a clear conscience.
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