Greed: An insatiable desire to possess or acquire something to an amount inordinately beyond what one needs or deserves.
Charity: An act of good will or affection; the quality of being kind or lenient in judging others.
Greed, along with lust and gluttony, are sins of excess. I like the word "insatiable." It means a desire that can never be satisfied. I also like "inordinately," which implies desire without restraint or moderation. So throw out all of the 5 dollar words and we're left with a character defect that condemns us to the relentless pursuit of far more than we can ever use, and no satisfaction with what we acquire. No matter how much we get it's never enough.
Greed is desire that will never be fulfilled. It is a desire for so much of whatever we are trying to get that the whole concept is bent out of all recognizable shape. We talk about this all the time in The Fellowship when we discuss our disease. We talk about the holes in our being that can never be filled, no matter how much alcohol or drugs or sex or stuff we try to jam in.
And then there's sweet useless incompetent charity. I used to crush charity with the leather jackboot of alcoholism when I was drinking, and then spat on its prone figure. I couldn't be bothered with acts of good will when I was furiously shoveling things into yawning holes. I sought out charitable people, though, because I could usually get something from them. I thought I was bamboozling them; it never occurred to me that they were doing nice things because they wanted to, because it made them feel good.
Charity sounds like a prim schoolmarm from Tombstone, Arizona, in a sunbonnet. Charity would not do well against Greed in the Texas Death Match.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Sloth vs. Diligence: Death Match!
Sloth: Disinclination to work or exert oneself; sluggishness; indolence; laziness.
Diligence: Persevering and careful in work; hardworking.
Sloth comes from the Greek acedia meaning to neglect to take care of something that one should take care of. It infers apathetic listlessness or depression without joy.
I like the implications here. I always understood sloth to mean simple laziness. That's a big part of sloth, no doubt, but I can also see that there's a lot of nuance to being impressively slothful. It's a many-tentacled defect; there are a lot of nooks and crannies to explore.
How do I sloth thee? Let me count the ways.
Being lazy sounds like a reasonable thing to be from time to time. I can see having a long week, feeling a little worn out or run down, and taking it easy for a day or two. Sluggishness, on the other hand, doesn't sound as socially acceptable. It sounds like what happens after you eat an entire large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, and then what happens to your plumbing. I can't see myself saying: "What am I going to do today? I think today is going to be all about joyless depression."
It seems that you should be able to turn your motor off and idle in one spot for a while without being called lazy. This is not intuitive for me. I have a need to be Productive! I think that I should always be Accomplishing Something! I think that I can sit quietly with myself and contemplate life or god or my navel and not be lazy. I think that I can rush around in a non-lazy whirlwind and lose my spirituality.
Every now and then someone that I'm talking to about doing some work on their recovery will toss out this excuse: "I guess I'm just lazy."
"No," I say. "You just don't want to do the work." There's a big difference. I rarely meet lazy people in The Fellowship. Most of us are in constant motion. We succeed and we get a lot done. We aren't lazy -- we're willfully contrary. We don't do things because we don't want to, not because we can't stir up enough energy.
Sloth is a failure to use my talents -- such as they are, should I be able to find any -- to the best of my ability. It implies a willful refusal to enjoy the goodness of god and the world that god created.
I have so little idea what I'm talking about most of the time.
Diligence: Persevering and careful in work; hardworking.
Sloth comes from the Greek acedia meaning to neglect to take care of something that one should take care of. It infers apathetic listlessness or depression without joy.
I like the implications here. I always understood sloth to mean simple laziness. That's a big part of sloth, no doubt, but I can also see that there's a lot of nuance to being impressively slothful. It's a many-tentacled defect; there are a lot of nooks and crannies to explore.
How do I sloth thee? Let me count the ways.
Being lazy sounds like a reasonable thing to be from time to time. I can see having a long week, feeling a little worn out or run down, and taking it easy for a day or two. Sluggishness, on the other hand, doesn't sound as socially acceptable. It sounds like what happens after you eat an entire large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, and then what happens to your plumbing. I can't see myself saying: "What am I going to do today? I think today is going to be all about joyless depression."
It seems that you should be able to turn your motor off and idle in one spot for a while without being called lazy. This is not intuitive for me. I have a need to be Productive! I think that I should always be Accomplishing Something! I think that I can sit quietly with myself and contemplate life or god or my navel and not be lazy. I think that I can rush around in a non-lazy whirlwind and lose my spirituality.
Every now and then someone that I'm talking to about doing some work on their recovery will toss out this excuse: "I guess I'm just lazy."
"No," I say. "You just don't want to do the work." There's a big difference. I rarely meet lazy people in The Fellowship. Most of us are in constant motion. We succeed and we get a lot done. We aren't lazy -- we're willfully contrary. We don't do things because we don't want to, not because we can't stir up enough energy.
Sloth is a failure to use my talents -- such as they are, should I be able to find any -- to the best of my ability. It implies a willful refusal to enjoy the goodness of god and the world that god created.
I have so little idea what I'm talking about most of the time.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Service or Spirituality, or Both?
Tarmac: (Ed. note: not in my circa 1971 dictionary. Apparently the tarmac didn't exist then).
I wonder sometimes what it means to live a life of service, a spiritual life. If I didn't have to work, could I sit on my deck, slack-jawed, and stare into the distance? That doesn't sound too spiritual especially since I don't have a deck. I'd actually be sitting on the tarmac, which is a great word, a truly world class word. Could I sit there half the day, or for an hour or two? What if I sat there, jaw totally not slack, and tried to pray and meditate? That sounds spiritual but then, am I being of service to the world as I pursue my own spiritual growth? I can't see a huge difference between the two situations despite the differential in force being exerted by my clenched jaw muscles. They both sound a little selfish.
I wonder how monks view the worth of a monastic lifestyle. A part of me is impressed that they are so committed to their spiritual growth but another part --possibly adding up to the entire whole if you add it to the first part -- wonders if they're simply hiding out to a certain degree. If I didn't have to work to buy food, should I volunteer at a non-profit organization? That seems pretty servicey but what if I worked 60 hours a week, totally depriving myself of time to enlarge my spiritual life? Being a guy with a big, hot engine revved way up high I bet I'd go overboard with my hours.
One of the keys to happiness that constantly pops up on lists and in how-to books telling you how to be happy is to have work or interests that you find fulfilling. That sounds like a heavy order. Interesting and fulfilling? Whew.
I wonder sometimes what it means to live a life of service, a spiritual life. If I didn't have to work, could I sit on my deck, slack-jawed, and stare into the distance? That doesn't sound too spiritual especially since I don't have a deck. I'd actually be sitting on the tarmac, which is a great word, a truly world class word. Could I sit there half the day, or for an hour or two? What if I sat there, jaw totally not slack, and tried to pray and meditate? That sounds spiritual but then, am I being of service to the world as I pursue my own spiritual growth? I can't see a huge difference between the two situations despite the differential in force being exerted by my clenched jaw muscles. They both sound a little selfish.
I wonder how monks view the worth of a monastic lifestyle. A part of me is impressed that they are so committed to their spiritual growth but another part --possibly adding up to the entire whole if you add it to the first part -- wonders if they're simply hiding out to a certain degree. If I didn't have to work to buy food, should I volunteer at a non-profit organization? That seems pretty servicey but what if I worked 60 hours a week, totally depriving myself of time to enlarge my spiritual life? Being a guy with a big, hot engine revved way up high I bet I'd go overboard with my hours.
One of the keys to happiness that constantly pops up on lists and in how-to books telling you how to be happy is to have work or interests that you find fulfilling. That sounds like a heavy order. Interesting and fulfilling? Whew.
More AND Different
Discontent: Lack of contentment; dissatisfaction; restless desire for something more or different.
When I take a look at what I've written over the last few years I have to laugh. There is definitely a dark tone that bubbles to the surface, despite the jokey veneer and sarcastic asides. I'm actually a fairly happy person. Mind you, I'm not always a contented person. All that prayer and meditation has certainly made me more contented, just not totally contented. I don't think that's ever going to change. I think I've gone from being restless, irritable, and discontented to just being restless. I'm never going to sit down and contemplate my navel. I'm always going to wonder what's around the corner.
I was the kid who could see the evil potential in everything. I grew up in a family that was always warning me that something could go HORRIBLY WRONG! They would have found something to be depressed about if they won the lottery. I was the one poking my stick in the dark hole, not chasing butterflies in the sunny meadow drenched in morning dew. I wanted to find the monsters, or at least imagine what they looked like. I could see the tragedy in life, not the comedy, unless it was tragic, dark comedy.
Nothing went HORRIBLY WRONG! today now that I think about it.
When I take a look at what I've written over the last few years I have to laugh. There is definitely a dark tone that bubbles to the surface, despite the jokey veneer and sarcastic asides. I'm actually a fairly happy person. Mind you, I'm not always a contented person. All that prayer and meditation has certainly made me more contented, just not totally contented. I don't think that's ever going to change. I think I've gone from being restless, irritable, and discontented to just being restless. I'm never going to sit down and contemplate my navel. I'm always going to wonder what's around the corner.
I was the kid who could see the evil potential in everything. I grew up in a family that was always warning me that something could go HORRIBLY WRONG! They would have found something to be depressed about if they won the lottery. I was the one poking my stick in the dark hole, not chasing butterflies in the sunny meadow drenched in morning dew. I wanted to find the monsters, or at least imagine what they looked like. I could see the tragedy in life, not the comedy, unless it was tragic, dark comedy.
Nothing went HORRIBLY WRONG! today now that I think about it.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Sloth Will Be Tomorrow
Good: Enjoyable, agreeable, happy, etc.
I think I'll start with sloth as I study, for my own personal edification, the 7 Deadly Sins. Maybe tomorrow, come to think of it. I'm a little tired and don't really feel like it. It sounds tiresome. Maybe I'll take a nap instead. I'm bushed.
I saw the following slogan in Mexico recently: "Fight apathy or don't." It was spray painted on a wall. I don't condone this kind of vandalism unless I'm doing the spray-painting, which I wasn't in this case. They confiscated my cans of spray paint at customs. Still, it's a pretty funny slogan.
Maybe some day I'll write about the Seven Holy Attributes, too, but probably not. I get uncomfortable thinking about good behavior. Good anything makes my skin crawl and the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It makes me feel guilty. I feel like something's wrong when everything is all right. Things can't be going well when they're going well. And if they're going well something bad is just around the corner. Something is sure to go HORRIBLY WRONG!
It's OK when things are OK.
I think I'll start with sloth as I study, for my own personal edification, the 7 Deadly Sins. Maybe tomorrow, come to think of it. I'm a little tired and don't really feel like it. It sounds tiresome. Maybe I'll take a nap instead. I'm bushed.
I saw the following slogan in Mexico recently: "Fight apathy or don't." It was spray painted on a wall. I don't condone this kind of vandalism unless I'm doing the spray-painting, which I wasn't in this case. They confiscated my cans of spray paint at customs. Still, it's a pretty funny slogan.
Maybe some day I'll write about the Seven Holy Attributes, too, but probably not. I get uncomfortable thinking about good behavior. Good anything makes my skin crawl and the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It makes me feel guilty. I feel like something's wrong when everything is all right. Things can't be going well when they're going well. And if they're going well something bad is just around the corner. Something is sure to go HORRIBLY WRONG!
It's OK when things are OK.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The 12 Commandments
Apparently when it comes to The 7 Deadly Sins and related matters I have no idea what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, this has never caused me to stop talking in the past. I figure if I opine forcefully and loudly, throwing in references which may or may not be based on fact, and respond wrathfully if questioned that I'm going to convince a certain percentage of the population that I am, in fact, correct.
Spandex provided me with a number of excellent corrections and filled in areas where my information was sparse. First of all, there are seven corresponding virtues, and he prays for them each morning. I worry about that boy. Anyone who is interested in The Bright Side has some serious problems that he's suppressing. Apparently church people really do concentrate on everything that is positive in life. This is why I never try to tell anecdotes pre-sobriety: my memory sucks. I sat in church year after year and have no recollection of anyone talking about virtues, unless it had to do with sex, which I wasn't getting any of anyhow, compounding the whole situation.
And there really are minor sins. They're called venial sins. I guess you can do these and get away with it. I couldn't find a list of venial sins, although I noted that deadly sins result in the complete separation from god and eternal damnation in hell, which doesn't sound like a good thing. And the number 7 corresponds to the 7 days in the week. Apparently there is a reason for the 7.
Also, I added jealousy to the list and left out something else, probably sloth.
Finally, a number of people pointed out that there are actually 10 Commandments, but not as many as you would think. Apparently I wasn't the only person daydreaming in church.
"Yeah?" I said loudly, forcefully, drawing myself up to my full height, voice starting to quiver with barely suppressed ire. "Maybe you want to back that up with some actual facts?" They were able to absolutely bury me in facts immediately. A huge number of facts.
"Well, I said. "Sure, those are the church commandments of which I realize there are 10. I was talking about the Horseface commandments. There are 12 of these and a few corollaries and two or three rules, including Rule 62. In fact, Commandment 11 is 'Get the %#$!! off my back.' "
Don't tell my mother that I said there were 12 Commandments.
Spandex provided me with a number of excellent corrections and filled in areas where my information was sparse. First of all, there are seven corresponding virtues, and he prays for them each morning. I worry about that boy. Anyone who is interested in The Bright Side has some serious problems that he's suppressing. Apparently church people really do concentrate on everything that is positive in life. This is why I never try to tell anecdotes pre-sobriety: my memory sucks. I sat in church year after year and have no recollection of anyone talking about virtues, unless it had to do with sex, which I wasn't getting any of anyhow, compounding the whole situation.
And there really are minor sins. They're called venial sins. I guess you can do these and get away with it. I couldn't find a list of venial sins, although I noted that deadly sins result in the complete separation from god and eternal damnation in hell, which doesn't sound like a good thing. And the number 7 corresponds to the 7 days in the week. Apparently there is a reason for the 7.
Also, I added jealousy to the list and left out something else, probably sloth.
Finally, a number of people pointed out that there are actually 10 Commandments, but not as many as you would think. Apparently I wasn't the only person daydreaming in church.
"Yeah?" I said loudly, forcefully, drawing myself up to my full height, voice starting to quiver with barely suppressed ire. "Maybe you want to back that up with some actual facts?" They were able to absolutely bury me in facts immediately. A huge number of facts.
"Well, I said. "Sure, those are the church commandments of which I realize there are 10. I was talking about the Horseface commandments. There are 12 of these and a few corollaries and two or three rules, including Rule 62. In fact, Commandment 11 is 'Get the %#$!! off my back.' "
Don't tell my mother that I said there were 12 Commandments.
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Horsemen 4 and The Sins, Deadly, 7
Deadly: Causing death; tending or liable to cause death; fatal.
I feel like taking a spin through the 7 Deadly Sins. God forbid I'd write about gratitude or happiness or any of that kind of crap.
I'd like to start by asking: why 7? Seems like an arbitrary number to me. I bet I could come up with a few more if I put my mind to it. I say stop at 5 or go all the way to 10. I'd accept 12; after all we have the 12 steps and the 12 commandments. Maybe this is all based around Snow White who had, I believe, 7 dwarfs, although this is probably not what Walt Disney had in mind. There are also 7 innings in a high school baseball game and seven colors in the rainbow if you believe that indigo and violet are different colors. I don't.
I'm going to assume that we are just scratching the surface with sins. I bet that there are a whole lot of minor sins out there. Deadly is deadly. I would think there are things you can do that are kind of bad, not fatal bad. Anger is deadly apparently; maybe you can be a little pissy or bitchy, not full blown angry, and stay alive. Seems reasonable on the surface.
Don't you wonder why no one has come up with the Seven Glorious Benefits? All this fascination with the black and the negative -- we're definitely a society which puts a lot of emphasis on the Dark Side. We don't tend to say do this and be happy, preferring warnings of the dire consequences of poor behavior. We come up with eternal flames.
During my Quiet Times I try to imagine the 4 Hideous Horsemen engaging in the 7 Deadly Sins.
I feel like taking a spin through the 7 Deadly Sins. God forbid I'd write about gratitude or happiness or any of that kind of crap.
I'd like to start by asking: why 7? Seems like an arbitrary number to me. I bet I could come up with a few more if I put my mind to it. I say stop at 5 or go all the way to 10. I'd accept 12; after all we have the 12 steps and the 12 commandments. Maybe this is all based around Snow White who had, I believe, 7 dwarfs, although this is probably not what Walt Disney had in mind. There are also 7 innings in a high school baseball game and seven colors in the rainbow if you believe that indigo and violet are different colors. I don't.
I'm going to assume that we are just scratching the surface with sins. I bet that there are a whole lot of minor sins out there. Deadly is deadly. I would think there are things you can do that are kind of bad, not fatal bad. Anger is deadly apparently; maybe you can be a little pissy or bitchy, not full blown angry, and stay alive. Seems reasonable on the surface.
Don't you wonder why no one has come up with the Seven Glorious Benefits? All this fascination with the black and the negative -- we're definitely a society which puts a lot of emphasis on the Dark Side. We don't tend to say do this and be happy, preferring warnings of the dire consequences of poor behavior. We come up with eternal flames.
During my Quiet Times I try to imagine the 4 Hideous Horsemen engaging in the 7 Deadly Sins.
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