9/16/08: There is no doubt that the whole goal of life is to be satisfied with what one has. This is the goal of all spiritual pursuits.
So if no one told you that they loved you today . . . tough shit, you still can't drink.
It's a great truth that the anticipation of pain is worse than most pain itself. Add to that the relief at not having to worry any more about the pain that wasn't as bad as I thought is so pleasant that I'm motivated to go out and generate even worse pain so I can work through it and feel even better.
Boredom is low-grade depression.
God does not need my praise. God did not create me so that I can praise Him. God has a really fine and good sense of self-worth. God is perfectly fine when I'm mad at Him. God has a thick skin. My invective bounces off harmlessly.
Today I'm going to be afraid, judgmental, angry, depressed, isolated. I'm going to be proud, egotistical, resentful, bored, euphoric, and In Control. And I'm going to live in The Future because that's where I can control things to my satisfaction unless something terrible is coming down the pike.
You can acquire thing or you can acquire experiences. Things are deceptive and illusory and most compelling.
It's easy to daydream about things - moving to a new city, changing jobs, getting married - but it's another thing altogether to actually do them.
My brain is a Difficulty Factory.
"The desire to do God's will is, in effect, doing God's will." Thomas Merton
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