Simply Grateful

 I'm sort of in a back and forth thing with my sister right now about how "devastated" her daughters are because they're not getting the full-on, in-person college experience.  The kind person that I am (or, at least, am trying to become) is understanding.  That's a big shock for a young person.  The touchy, irritable person that is still lurking right below the surface rolls his eyes.  C'mon, I was worried about getting drafted to go to Vietnam so I don't have too much sympathy for someone who is upset because they have to take a semester of on-line classes.  I try to share with clueless Earth People about our relentless, tireless pursuit of The Positive without sounding cold and preachy.  It's out there and we can find it.  Sometimes it's obscured by the fog of calamity and self-pity, but it's out there.

I also try to stay grateful for the routine.  I recall this year not long ago where I caught every fucking disease that was cycling through my community.  I started out with the flu, despite my flu shot, reminding me why I get a flu shot because I do not want to get the flu ever again.  I picked up a stomach virus at some point - highly unusual for me, Mr. Cast Iron Stomach - where I threw up more times in a week than I had in the last 40 years and I am NOT making that up.  Then I concluded with this nasty chest cold that was circulating which I could not shake without antibiotics which I had not taken for 20 years.  As soon as I crawled into bed the dry, hacking, unproductive cough would start up, jerking me awake no matter the level of my exhaustion.

Lovely topic this morning, right?  When all of this pestilence finally cleared up I recall sitting in my Quiet Time chair deeply, deeply, deeply grateful that I was back at a normal, base-line level of health. 

"Why am I not more grateful that I'm a relatively healthy person?" I mused.

I have a tendency to feel that I've under-performed at the end of each day.  I could have done more: bigger, faster, further.  What a waste of my energy.