OK, I Get It - I'm Selfish

Selfish:  Having regard for oneself above others' well-being.

Funny thing is . . . when things are going well I lose my tongue and my pen.  What's there to write about when I'm not furious?  Luckily, I'm furious most of the time, outraged that some person, place, or thing hasn't given me what I want or has inflicted me, plagued me with some minor discomfort.  I'm telling you, I got it bad, bad, bad.

It took me 3 or 4 days after my return to Vacation City to recover from my emotional hangover.  I did OK back there - my actions were decent and my mouth, for the most part, was clamped firmly shut, its most attractive and deeply sexy position.  I got some kudos from my family for all of the work that I got done, a sure sign that I was doing what I needed to do and not what I thought needed to be done.  Still, the depth of my quietly furious discontent surprised me somewhat - I thought I was more grown up.  I don't want to be that annoyed at anyone, let alone my family who loves me and has done a pretty damn good job of being my family.  It's not their fault that I'm a quasi-psycho, if by "quasi" you mean "complete."  Might be time to dip my toe in The Other Twelve Step Program.  You know the one - helps you deal with people you find intolerable.  My excuse for not toe-dipping has always been that I get all I need from The Fellowship, obviously not true at the moment.

At my Monday night literature meeting we read from one of the chapters that discusses Step 10 and Step 11.  On just two contingent pages I came across these references:
1.  Were we resentful, selfish, blah, blah, blah.
2.   . . . asking that our thinking be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives.
3.   We ask especially for freedom from self-will . . . 
4.   We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends.
5.  We are then in much less danger of . . . . self-pity blah, blah, blah.

Do you think the founders were trying to suggest, to hint that a streak of SELF runs through us all?  I really couldn't say.

I like the idea that I do best when I accept people for who they are, not who I want them to be.

No, "like" isn't the right idea.  The word I'm actually searching for is "hate."  I hate the idea that I need to accept anything that I don't want to accept.  Back to St. Frank: seeking to understand rather than be understood.  Sheesh.