Anger: An emotion related to one's psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied and a tendency to react through retaliation. Or so says Wikipedia. I left my beloved Webster's at home.
I am pondering anger this morning. I have a terrible temper, which makes me so mad. The men on the paternal side of my family all had big tempers. I vowed to avoid this tendency, obviously unsuccessfully. And the men all have a nice, passive-aggressive type of anger: not angry all the time but when the anger surfaces it's best to get out the way. It's a very common technique for people who want to control things. If I'm angry all the time people are going to move away; if I blow up at odd times people are on their toes and I'm better equipped to manipulate them.
Anger is a manly manifestation of fear. It's easier to get my way when I'm violently angry than when I'm weeping quietly, although sometimes I do that, too. It all depends on whether my fear is venting outward - anger - or burrowing inward - depression. These are both very effective ways to get attention, to get what I want from you
Today when I'm angry I do two things. First of all, I keep my mouth shut. Nothing good comes out of my mouth when I'm pissed off. Then I try to look at why I'm angry, especially if I'm angry at another person. This is growth for me - my tendency is just to saddle up my anger and ride off into the sunset, six guns a-blazin'. I almost always find that someone has touched something uncomfortable in me and it's easier for me to blow up than to take a look at what I don't like about myself, try to change it for the better or accept it for what it is. Finally, (OK, that's three things) I try to look at the source of the anger. I almost always find a person who isn't doing that well and is trying to make themselves feel better by devaluing someone else. Nobody thinks this consciously when it's going on but it's what's going on.
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