Still a little angry this morning. Not deep down in my bones, ruin my entire day angry, but I can hork up some irritation pretty quickly. It's more of a "whatever, dude" kind of anger, kind of a pleasant day-dreamy kind of anger, but I could get it going if I wanted to. It makes me see how dangerous an emotion it can be for me - it was positively deadly, venomous, when I was drinking. And it's not the anger that's such an issue; it's what the anger can become if I indulge it. Resentment, fury, vindictive fury, take no prisoners burn down the house fury. I don't try and pretend that I don't have a temper any more - I try to channel it away from the women and children. It's fire for me. Burn down the house - cook my food. The choice is mine.
I also have to be careful with good feelings although not as careful as with the anger. I can drift off in totally delusional flights of fancy, although these are a lot more pleasant and not nearly as destructive.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
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