Vroom, Vroom.

Today when I woke up I had a lot of nervous energy but not too much coherence as to direction.  I was ready to head down any of 12 different roads with no clear idea which one to select.  I wanted to go down ALL of them but NONE of them looked interesting enough to choose.  I felt like a guy in the driver's seat of a very powerful car who has his foot on the accelerator with the parking brake engaged.  The car is shaking violently, the engine is roaring and belching black smoke, but there's precious little in the way of forward motion.


I find this state of affairs to be disturbing.  I felt agitated.  My coping technique in recovery is to pick a direction that I know doesn't head directly off a cliff and release the brake a little bit - I know from experience that some action is better than no action at all.  I guess I could also take my foot off the gas but that doesn't occur to me very often - that's a "smart person" thing to do.  I try to limit my selection of the roads that I take when I'm agitated to a select few tried and true choices so that I can avoid cliffs, dead ends, and large, solid obstacles.  Even though I'm still vaguely aware of the existence of all the other roads that I'm not taking I feel less distracted because at least I chose something.  I'm killing the car seeing as the brake is still engaged but I've managed to relieve some of the pressure.


Road #1 was a meeting, definitely not a cliff road.


On the drive home from the meeting I released some more brake and headed for the park.  I hiked for an hour, relieving still more pressure.  I'm a big fan of exercise although you shouldn't infer by this that I always enjoy exercising.  I swim, as you may know because I complain often and vociferously about pool etiquette, and by "etiquette" I mean "people not doing things the way I want them to be done," which is everyone all of the time.  Swimming is not especially fun but it's really great exercise.  I enjoy finishing the swimming more than the swimming itself.  Hiking is good, too, because it's more interesting.  It gets me outside where I can see god's handiwork in action.  The hike I took finishes with a pretty serious 15 minute climb up a steep hill, forcing me to concentrate on my ragged, gasping breath and not on whatever inconsequential nits are whirling about my head.


Road #2 was exercise.  Another good road.


That's pretty much it.  I didn't take any more roads.  I took a shower and I took a nap and all was well with the world.