Not Good Yet

Tolerate:  To recognize and respect (other's beliefs, practices, etc.) without necessarily agreeing or sympathizing.


I'm in a meeting this morning and the guy who chaired Did It Wrong.  This is inexcusable.  This is a capital offence.  Powerful empires have been overthrown for less.  The published format is for the chairperson to speak for about 5 minutes to establish an alcoholism related topic.  We actually read that before we start the meeting.  It's written down in ink and we read it out loud so obviously what happened today has happened before; namely, the dreaded mini-lead.  This is bad enough when the speaker has a significant chunk of time allotted in which to speak, but when time is short it becomes quite difficult.  Who thinks that they can tell their life story and how they got sober AND what their recovery means to them in 5 minutes?  This guy and me, apparently.


Anyway, after about 20 minutes I picked up my coat and left, like the rude asshole that I am.  I was going to begin screaming if I had to listen to him say one more word.  I didn't think the situation through very well, however, because SuperK stayed in the room like the polite human being that she is, and she had the keys to our apartment.  After about 15 more minutes of wandering around the deserted clubhouse - this was a 6:30 AM meeting - I went back upstairs, figuring I could listen to other people share in the aftermath of the mini-lead and get in half a meeting at least.  As I cracked open the door to the room, I could hear that the guy was still speaking.  I scuttled away, like a cockroach.


While my character defects aren't quite as insistent as they used to be they're clearly still active.  I was impatient and intolerant and angry, and this was in a meeting where I go to be peaceful and recover.  My behavior didn't bode well for any upcoming interactions I might have with irritating Earth People.


When I lived in The Old City there was a woman there who drove me to distraction.  I ran into her every week at this big meeting that I attended, and she felt the need to share every time.  When she started to talk I invariably got up and went to the bathroom, not because I had to pee, but because I did not want to her this woman talk.  I stood in there until I could hear that someone else had begun to share.  This woman, in all honesty, irritated a lot of other members, but I NEVER ran into anyone else in the bathroom that didn't have to pee.  Apparently, I was more intolerant, impatient, and angry that anyone else who attended this large meeting.


This is not making me sound too good.