Do What Now?

Communicate:  To impart; pass along; transmit.


When I was earning my living as a salesman one of the little suggestions that I found helpful was this: "Tell 'em what you're going to tell 'em.  Tell 'em.  Tell 'em what you told 'em."  I'm not sure why we couldn't have used "them" instead of the grammatically lazy " 'em" but these things have been known to happen, especially when I'm the one making them happen.  


The implication is that what is said is often not what is heard.  In a business situation there were all kinds of reasons for miscommunication: a distracted or adversarial customer; a noisy factory environment; a crappy salesman such as myself.  I was so familiar with my product and my spiel was so practiced and second-nature that I assumed things about my customers that weren't accurate or on any given day I didn't have the skill or patience to explain things very well.  Sometimes I just had a bad day, angry or tired or depressed. One of the solutions was to try to repeat the important points a few times to make sure that everyone was on the same page.  I found that much of the time I wasn't even reading the same book as my customers.  The fact of the matter is that effective communication can be a challenge in the best of times and under the best of circumstances.


One of the groups that I'm a member of has a By Invitation Only page on a social media website.  That way we may speak freely about our alcoholism and recovery while still remaining anonymous to the general population.  It has been a good venue to arrange parties, share anecdotes, connect with friends.   It has also posed new challenges.  One of our members -- with many years of sobriety - has become a little agitated and confrontational of late.  It's my experience that it's easier to toss fire bombs into the crowd sitting by myself in front of a computer screen than it is in a face to face situation so I've been able to react to the fire-bombings with a fair amount of patience.  I was going to say wisdom instead of patience but caught myself in time.


The source of angst has been a discussion about finances.  I know, I know, imagine that: a member upset about money talk.


In my opinion he's way off base.  He's clearly wrong.  But instead of running my mouth from the isolation of my little hidey-hole here I decided to practice some restraint of tongue and pen and try to collect some facts before I went off on some self-righteous rant.  I asked for and received some supporting documents from our central office to validate my position and posted them on the group's website.  The purpose was to show this guy where he was WRONG! with the clear implication that I was RIGHT!


His response on-line, of course, was to thank me profusely for supporting his point of view.  We hear what we want to hear, especially when we're agitated or upset.  This is why I try not to act or speak rashly when my emotions are running hot: I jump to conclusions, I assume bad motives, I get defensive and then I quit listening to what's being said.  I put words in people's mouths and this from a guy who can't even put the right words in his own mouth.  I really try to keep my hands out of other people's mouths, inappropriate except for maybe dentists or orthodontists.


I'm not a dentist and I don't even know what an orthodontist is.