Pause When Agitated

"What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline.  With few exceptions, our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.  Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves the essence of spiritual experience.  Some of us call it God consciousness.  In any case, willingness, honesty, and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery."

The guy who chaired the meeting today is one of my favorite A.A. guys.  I was around when he came in about four years ago.  He sat on the filthy couches in the corner of the room with the street people.  He had a big bandage covering a noticeable cut on his forehead.  He did not have it all going on.  But I was encouraged when I spoke to him after the meeting because I could sense he was all in.  When I walk away from a newcomer my thoughts are often along the lines of "I don't think this guy gets what we're trying to do in here."  People want to get sober but they don't want to do the work.  They throw up a barrage of excuses.  I believe if I had told Frank that he needed to go outside, stand on one foot, and quack like a duck he would have done it.

Part of the meeting revolved around the phrase "As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show."  This helpful thought is especially helpful when paired with the idea that "Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen.  We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument.  The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness."  Look before you leap.  Think before you speak.

Another part of the meeting was a discussion of the words "we" and "us."  It's important for me to remember that if I try to go it alone then I'm shit out of luck.  This is why I'm constantly checking in with other alcoholics.  I'm not always nuts but when I am I don't always know it.