Blotting Out My Miserable Existence . . .

Blot:  To remove with absorbing material.

I like it when people use the word "blotting" to describe their drinking.  There's a phrase in the Big Book along the lines of "blotting out our miserable existence to the best of our ability."  People think alcoholics drink alcohol to have fun because that's what normal people do - they want to relax and be social.  Alcoholics simply don't want to feel anything.  Consider the blackout drinker, the person who doesn't remember hours at a time.  Is this fun?  Or is this someone trying to avoid reality of any sort?

Learn the lesson - remember the past but don't shut the door on it.  There is valuable instruction there, remembering the dark, terrible places alcohol took me.  I have a new life today to hold onto and enjoy.

In A.A. we have The Four Hideous Horsemen: Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair.  There are to be found in the Bible, of course, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: War, Famine, Death, and Pestilence.  I'd rather face the hideous ones, frankly.  Bewilderment?   Frustration?  I think I could take those two down.  The Biblical Horsemen are pretty imposing.

I'm turning 65 this year.  I've been joking about getting old for a long time but I just got my Medicare card in the mail.  They should replace Frustration with a new terror and call it: Medicare.  He wouldn't even get a horse.  He'd get a walker.  The other three would be ravaging some village and they'd go: "Where the fuck is 65?  That dude is useless when we're doing some good terrorizing."  You'd see him slowly laboring over a hill, clutching his left knee and limping noticeably.

I've never passed by a milestone birthday without some suffering in the run-up.  SuperK made the excellent suggestion that I talk to some people who are my age or older and get some feedback on how they did it/are doing it.  Great suggestion.  And I followed it which is unusual for a know-it-all like me.

Three guys yesterday:

Tom R - 73 (filling in for my real sponsor who is still pissing me off by going maskless to a live meeting in defiance of local ordinances).  "This is mostly a state of mind, an attitude."

Barber Dave - 76 (my barber, natch).  "Life is precious and I'm grateful for every day."

Art - 64 (hot tub buddy here at my mobile home park).  "I was a little upset when I hit 21 because I wasn't a millionaire yet.  That's really the only one that bothered me."  Art weighs like 300 lbs.  Art is definitely morbidly obese so he's probably just grateful to be alive.  And he's one of those people who just always seems to be up, positive, cheerful.  Jerks.

Good advice, good sharing, eh wot?  Nobody said you're going to feel fine until you die.  That I did notice.