Twitching and Moving and Swirling

 From the Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlet "A.A. for Alcoholics with Mental Health Issues" . . . 

"The whole idea of being 'restored to sanity' was confusing and irritating to me until I finally accepted that working the Steps was not going to fix my m:ental illness.  That is because my mental illness is not a character defect.  It is not spiritual in nature."

The leader this morning read a section from the chapter Working With Others.  The title itself should be a nice hint as to one of the key cornerstones of recovery: thinking of other people.  Wait a minute . . . I need to think about other people?  That doesn't seem like a good use of my time.

The conversation turned somewhat obliquely to the spiritual concept of stillness.  It is amazing how many of us struggle with a brain that demands constant movement, constant stimulation and activity.  Part of the attraction for me in A.A. early on was being around people who just seemed calm.  I was swirling endlessly in a buzz of mental noise.  I couldn't believe that people could stand quietly.  I was always twitching and moving and thinking.

Once again and over and over . . . No one wants my advice.  Even people who ask for my advice don't want my advice.  Most people want someone to listen to their problems and grievances, not to tell them what to do.