Meme

 "Every man in A.A. is a brother and every woman is a sister, as long as he or she is a member of A.A.  We must try not to think bad things about any members, because if we do, we're consciously or unconsciously hurting that person."

One of the memes in Alcoholics Anonymous (Ed. Note: I don't know what a meme is.) is that we get better physically, then mentally, then emotionally, and finally: spiritually.  That's one of the reasons we encourage people to keep coming back to meetings - we need to flush the poisons out of our system.  Most of us have stories of meeting someone we've known for a while but haven't seen after we got sober, and having the person struggle to recognize you.  Most of us have pictures taken when we were at the end of our runs - generally not a good look.  I understand why people would give me the crook eye.  Or the stink eye.  Occasionally the evil eye.

"I knew the man by name, and partially recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended.  I talked with him for some time, but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before.  He had accepted the plan outlined in this book."  Big Book  P. xxxi  The Doctor's Opinion.

The idea here, originally, was to talk about my mouth.  I've gotten in pretty good shape physically and my behavior is not bad and I've really taken to heart the exhortation to practice restraint of tongue and pen and keyboard - this through hard experience, of course - but my thinking can be a problem.  It can be venomous.  It can be murderous.  On an average day it tends toward self-righteous indignation with a frisson of intolerant judgement and a whiff of dismissive arrogance.  I usually tell new people that thinking is free - it's the actions that they need to work on first.  I stand by this reasoning.  But I also believe that our thinking - if pursued long and with diligence - hardens and becomes who we are.  If I mutter darkly about the behavior of someone else- particularly another A.A. member - then I find I believe my mutterings and bad behavior follows.

"Carry out God's guidance as best you can.  Leave the results up to God."

Yeah, like I'm going to leave the results up to God, that idiot.  I'm The Man.  I'm in charge.  I make the calls and call the shots.  Just the way it is.  Who knows better than me?