Divine Retribution

 "Disillusionment and spiritual confusion mark our age.  Many of us have cast aside old ideas without acquiring new ones.  Many men and women are creeping through life on their hands and knees, merely because they refuse to rely on any power but themselves.  (Ed. Note: There's a power besides me?  Holy shit.)  Many of them feel that they are being brave and independent, but actually they are only courting disaster.  Anxiety and the inferiority complex have become the greatest of all modern plagues."

Lots of good words here . . . 

Disillusionment:  A feeling of disappointment, akin to depression, arising from the realization that something is not what it was expected or believed to be, possibly accompanied by philosophical angst from having one's beliefs challenged.

"Philosophical angst" ain't too shabby, either.  A good definition buried inside a definition.  Very sneaky.

Anxiety:  An unpleasant state of mental uneasiness, nervousness, apprehension and obsession or concern about some uncertain event.  

"Some uncertain event."  Also very sneaky.  I was describing some proposed disaster that was sure to strike me down to a long-timer once when he interrupted and said: "So you're telling yourself scary stories again?"

Plague:  A widespread affliction, calamity, or destructive influence, especially when seen as divine retribution.

I don't even know where to start here.  "Divine Retribution"  would be an excellent name for a hard rock band.  I like the idea that some of us might have a Higher Power that would feel the need to strike us down with pain and misery.  THAT'S not a working Higher Power.

I was an asshole long before I started to drink.  That's what the inventory Steps tell me.  You Are An Asshole sometimes.  Quit pointing out that other people are assholes sometimes, too.  There are some real bad assholes out there.  We get it.  Deal with it.  EVERYBODY gets to be an asshole from time to time.  This is part of the human condition: Temporary Asshole Syndrome.  It should be an instinct it's so prevalent.

The other thing the inventory steps do is make me look at MYSELF.  Quit looking at the defects of character (including but not limited to Temporary Asshole Syndrome) that other people have.  We get this, too.  Other people behave badly sometimes and sometimes when they do this affects us adversely.  Deal with it.  You're gonna get screwed over by some asshole from time to time.

I heard a good euphemism for "lying" today.  "Omitting."  We omit some important details when we lie.  Add that to these popular favorites: Rounding Up.  Embellishing.  Making someone believe something that isn't true without saying any specific false words.  Padding the resume.

Here's one of my favorite passages from Step Eight in the 12 &12: "Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism . . . . "  I love the lines that remind me that I sucked at relationships.  

But we are heartened by a Promise at the end of the Step: "It is the beginning of the end of isolation from our fellows and from God."