Resentment

Resentment:  Anger or displeasure stemming from belief that one has been wronged or betrayed by others.

I'm really kind of disgusted and annoyed at the state of my society right now.  This fact is firmly in the None of My Business category.  It's also in the Nothing I Can Do About It category.  Both of these categories are populated with thousands and millions of facts which doesn't stop me from adding new ones on a daily basis.  Very, very few things are my business and therefore possibly, potentially changeable.  

As I've been working through my frustration with the live 7 AM meeting I'm vaguely aware that these personalities and their behavior are functioning as a representation, a symbol of the general public or at least that portion of the general public whose behavior I find irritating.  Most of them I'm friends with or friendly with, at least, and very few of them stick in my consciousness for any length of time whatsoever and I'm saying this kindly.  There are plenty of people I see who don't tickle my fancy one way or the other.  It's sort of a shrug and a "huh," maybe a fist bump or a quick hug and then I'm on to someone I have a deeper relationship with.  No animosity, no special closeness.  These folks, after all, walk right past me most of the time.  That's great and fine - we can't be close with everyone.

I always say if I'm thinking of someone who - if they moved away or started attending other meetings - I wouldn't miss for a minute . . . then why would I dedicate any mental space to thinking of them?  It's amazing how many arguments I have in my head with people who aren't that important to me and  -  I should point out - aren't even present.

There's a famous Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend cannot stand George, a fact that he finds irresistible to resist.  He becomes obsessed with her, submarining other healthy relationships.  She hates him so he wants her.

I'm sure that when we get back together in person I'll be fine.  I've really gotten pretty good at shedding resentments, although I'll admit this one has been wedged in pretty deep.  My life has been profoundly affected by the behavior of others so I guess it's natural to feel some anger about that.