Festering

Disturb: To have a negative emotional impact; to cause emotional distress or confusion.

I have been on a lifelong quest to minimize disturbance in my life.  This is not a small feat because I'm easily disturbed.  It's a game of whack-a-mole - as soon as I quash one disturbance another one pops out.  When I find something disturbing I realize that it's in my best interest to look closely at what's actually going on.  I can usually see where my prejudices and biases and stubbornness come into play.  I can change if I'm wrong.  Luckily, I'm rarely wrong.  Plus, when I do change it's not because I'm following some admirable purpose but rather because I'm trying to minimize disturbance in my life.  

I learn new things when I set aside my prejudices and biases and stubbornness.  I can see situations from a different point of view and sometimes come to a new understanding, see how and why a different way of doing things can be acceptable or all right or - God forbid - even better than my way of doing it.  Keeping an open mind.  At the very least - even if my entrenched prejudices and biases and stubbornness refuse to be dislodged - I can remind myself how little I can actually control.

That being said all of us have to decide - in the light of our own personal circumstances and beliefs - when too far and too much is is too far and too much.  This is going to be different for all of us.  What I decide I can't tolerate for ethical or moral or spiritual reasons may be fine for you and vice versa.

Getting to the point . . . The live A.A. break-away meeting has stepped over one of my personal lines in the sand.  It simply has.  I am offended by the disregard for laws and the agony our health care workers are enduring and for the fact that the Seventh Tradition is being ignored.  The problem is exacerbated greatly by the fact that I know a lot of the personalities involved and they're not people that have a general world view that aligns closely with mine.  There are plenty of in-person meetings going on in our local A.A. district and none of them offend me a whit.  I don't know the people so I have no stake in the process.  If you love something then you tend to care a lot more.

Anyway, I find myself getting disturbed - right or wrong, justified or unjustified - and I don't have to put up with the disturbance.  This doesn't affect me on a personal level very much because I don't interact with many of these people regularly.  I'm sure when society opens back up I'll be able to maintain cordial relationships - I'm a pretty laid-back person for a tight-assed, super-competitive, hyperactive, Type A type.  But now?  Naw.  Can't do it.  Don't have to put up with it.  Not.  Gonna.  Do it.