Lying, Reality, Facts, Honesty

Lie:  To give false information intentionally with intent to deceive. 

Truth and honesty are no friends of the alcoholic. These are commodities which the rest of the world finds valuable, but which the alcoholic finds an embarrassment. Very often an alcoholic will automatically tell a lie rather than the truth, since in doing so he is actually able to control reality a little better, and he does not have to remember those difficult-for-the-unwary details called facts. An obvious difficulty for the alcoholic is that memory is impaired, particularly during periods of alcoholic amnesia. Trying to remember what lies have been told to which people, placed on top of alcoholic amnesia, leaves a sense of chaotic control which is nothing less than a foretaste of hell itself. 

Remember how exhausting it was to lie and lie and lie and then have to come up with a backup lie to cover the first lie in case you got caught and you found yourself way down this rabbit-hole of branching lies which went every which way but sometimes intersected, layers and layers and levels of lies . . . Jeebus, it was exhausting to remember what you told to whom. I found myself confused as to what actually happened from time to time, compounded by the fact that I was in a black-out or a brown-out and wasn't clear of the facts if I even had an inclination to tell them. I found myself in A.A. relating a story from time to time and thinking: "I'm not sure that actually happened." I had lied about it for so long that it was so deep in my consciousness that I didn't know what was what.

I don't know about the ". . . nothing less than a foretaste of hell itself." I think our priestly friend got a bit dramatic with that one.

Honest: Scrupulous with regard to telling the truth. (Ed. Note: Scrupulous! I love it. Exactly and carefully conducted. Beautiful.)

Even in early sobriety, recovering alcoholics may find that they still have the tendency to tell a lie rather than the truth, simply because it has always been easier to do so. To tell a lie is to create one's own reality—the greatest accomplishment of the alcoholic.

My non-lying self took a while to develop. Ahem . . . is still developing. I quickly understood that malicious lies were not spiritual - I had to quit lying to hurt people or to slyly carry tales. Then I migrated to the lie of omission - as a clever, practiced spinner of lies I found I could often carefully construct my words so that I could get the person to whom I was speaking to believe something that wasn't true even though my words were technically true. I was proud of this loophole until I looked the word "lie" up and found that a lie was anything that caused someone to believe a falsehood. My clever fucking around with the dialogue didn't absolve me of anything.

Today I practice rigorous honesty, to the best of my ability. I tend to exaggerate and fluff and gloss over and round up to make myself look better. If the number is 10 I make it 11. That extra 1 doesn't help me at all. I don't know why I do it but I do it. But I'm proud to say that you can absolutely trust whatever I have to say.

Reality: A real entity, event, or other fact.

Fact: Something actual as opposed to invented; something that is real.

 

To tell the truth means accepting real reality. Alcoholics hate to do that. An alcoholic will change and adapt all facts, figures, dates, promises, and vows, since everything about him has to serve the single purpose of the alcoholic - to keep his relationship with alcohol secure. Obviously, his situation sometimes involves some compromise, particularly when he is actively threatened by people in authority. However, it is not likely that he will put aside his main goal for long.

Facts . . . Schmacts. Don't get in the way of my alcohol or drugs.