Weeping 101

Therapy:  Attempted remediation of a health problem following a diagnosis, usually synonymous with treatment.

I don't remember being involved personally with the act of crying.  I cried when we made the decision to euthanize our cat.  I vaguely remember trying to cry long ago when a good friend was killed in an industrial accident.  But that's it.  I tear up during movies but a good boo hoo hoo, tears-running-down-my-face cry?  Not really registering as something I've indulged in.

I brought this up in therapy.

"Do you think it's unusual that I never cry?" I asked.

This woman paused a few beats to collect herself, and then tossed out a few non-specific qualifiers along the lines of "I don't like to attach labels to things" before going back on the offensive: "How does it make you feel?"

I dunno.  I don't consider myself overly repressed in the emotions department.  But then again maybe I am a bit distant in my relationships with people.  I've always been a "stiff upper lip" sort of German-Scottish hybrid.  Quit bitchin' about the rain and get out there and plow the back forties sort of mentality.

After a little time elapsed she said: "Back to the crying for a minute and remember you brought it up" and then launched into a minor movement of "holy shit, are you kidding me?"  I was pretty sure I had detected some internal gear shifting and clanking coming from her direction right after I brought it up.  I'm assuming it wouldn't be too cool for a psychologist to pause a minute before saying: "Man, you are fucked up."

I've heard that actors can often make themselves weep by imagining sad things.  If not crying is something that isn't good then it would be good to cry, right?  I'm not sure how to do that.  I'm open to the idea but unsure as to how to proceed.  Should I think about sad things?  Should I rent weepy movies?  Should I go back and re-watch the last three outs of the '75 World Series? Is there some kind of class that you can take: Weeping 101?  There's a woman at my Grief Group whose son died in a car crash three or four years ago and she still cries every week.  I mean - get over it, right?  My initial reaction was that she needed to do more plowing in the rain and less thinking about herself.

I've been told that yelling at my inner anxiety in an attempt to get it to show itself may not be the best tactic, that maybe treating it like a frightened child or an abandoned kitten would be better.  Treat it with kindness and encouragement, not like it's something trying to sabotage my life, venomously hiding deep down inside, but rather that it just wants to be heard.  

I've been trying to bring up my panic attacks with people I know.  People are surprised. Apparently I'm good at hiding things.  I wouldn't have characterized myself as a deceiver of emotions but everyone seems to be surprised.