Maze of Circular Logic

My notes show on 4 separate occasions that I'm afraid of how I would fill my time if I didn't exercise.  That qualifies as a theme.

I don't think I'm feeling very fulfilled right now.  It doesn't matter whether you love your work or you hate your work - it takes up a big chunk of time.  I scramble sometimes when if I'm asked how my day is going.  The activities that I come up with often seem unimportant or self-indulgent.  It was indeed easier to tell someone that I got up and went to work and got home about five o'clock, going to get some dinner and go to bed.

I'm talking big time to my anxiety right now.  I'm encouraging it to come on out.  Depending on my mood I threaten it or reason with it or treat it like a frightened child.  Anxiety - show yourself!  It seems like all of the talking has been giving me some relief although I still tend to wake up overly anxious.  I can't make this happen by wishing that it would be so.

It is remarkable how the feedback loop works.  Anxiety begets anxiety.  Worrying engenders more worrying.  I am still trying to think my way out of this.

Help me release whatever is inside me that wants to come out.  I wonder what it would look like?

SuperK is of the opinion that I spend too much time pondering my own mortality.  I know that I spend too much time alone thinking about myself.  I'm amazed that I was at one point under the impression that aging was going to be this gentle winding down of energy and vitality in a snoozing in the fall sunshine kind of way.  I really believed that.  I didn't see it as a harsher deterioration.  The point, as I argue with her,  is that I'm trying to open my eyes to the reality of the situation, to get out of the dank basement of implausibility.  SuperK is not impressed with my frequent attempts to create a maze of circular logic.  If you give me enough time I can make the most ridiculous things seem reasonable.

"You're just using your intellect to weasel out of this," she says.

Weasel that I am, I cannot argue with that distinctly non-circular logic.